Twenty-nine years later

November 2 has been a VERY significant anniversary since 1995, because that was the day I arrived in New Zealand to live, and because Nigel and I began our life together that day, and so, as I’ve said many times, it’s what we thought of as our anniversary—until we gained more. Nigel is gone, but I’m still here, and in New Zealand, and the two meanings of November 2 will always be connected for me.

When I recently talked about the eleventh anniversary of our marriage, I said that, just like having an eleventh anniversary, the fact that today is the 29th anniversary of my arrival is “seemingly irrelevant”, and also that 30 “just sounds more significant, even though it’s merely one year later.” Does the fact that perhaps it sounds more significant mean that one celebrates the 30th anniversary of being in a place? What about in 2031 when the number of years I’ve lived in New Zealand will equal the total number of years I lived in the USA? Or, does it become even more more significant the following year when the number of years I’ve lived in New Zealand will be greater than the number of my years living in the USA? For the record, I’ll be 72 and 73 in those two years—assuming, of course.

Obviously, Nigel was the entire reason I came to this country, and so, the fact that I arrived took a backseat to the fact that we began our life together on that day. Both were very big deals, but it really was a case of the sum being greater than the parts.

Nowadays, this anniversary, and its powerful memories, is more about me and my life without Nigel, and that’s something I’ve been talking about more often in these anniversary posts. For example, in last year’s November 2 post, I mentioned Facebook “Memories” from the previous year, and they were about a couple projects I apparently didn’t talk about here. Aas I said in that post:

I mention all that because my life now is slow and ordinary, and sometimes it feels that little or nothing has changed from the previous year. This is my current reality, and it’s so very different from… 2018 [because that] was the last November 2 anniversary Nigel and got to spend together. I don’t even remember if we did anything special for that day, but our 23rd anniversary of living together wasn’t exactly a notable date at the time, and we just assumed we’d have many, many more anniversaries to spend together.

Those same Facebook “Memories” popped up again this year, of course, and that was especially relevant because I mowed the back lawn yesterday, and,yet again, tried to figure out what to do with the now severely overgrown bank along one side of the yard—and I came up with a new plan. This, too, is common sort of thing for me now that I no longer have Nigel to talk about such things with. All of this underscores how this November 2 anniversary now is mainly about my life, along with the powerful memories and emotions attached to November 2. I'm here in New Zealand because of Nigel, and everything I now am is a direct result of that—and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have no idea what my life will be like next year, except for the fact it’ll mark my 30th anniversary in New Zealand. I can easily imagine the cheeky sarcasm—and endearing warmness—that Nigel would pack into comments about such a large number. But he didn’t even got to be here for the 24th, let alone the 25th or beyond, so I can just barely imagine what he’d say seven years from now—assuming, of course. I’d like to think that somewhere there’s a plane of existence in which that 30th anniversary would make Nigel smile. Whether that exists or not, I’ll have to smile enough for both of us—this year, next, and every other I’m fortunate to experience.

Even as I rebuild myself and my life, everything about this date is, and will remain, directly connected with Nigel. I’m so very glad it is, too.

Happy main anniversary, sweetheart.

Previously:
Twenty-eight years later (2023)
Twenty-seven years later (2022)
Twenty-six years later (2021)
Twenty-five years later (2020)
Twenty four Years (2019)

Posts from happier years:
Twenty Three Years Together (2018)
Twenty Two Years Together (2017)
Twenty One Years Together (2016)
Twenty Years Together (2015)
Surreal 19th Expataversary (2014)
Eighteen (2013)
The day that really mattered (2012)
Sweet sixteen (2011)
Fifteen (2010)
Fourteen (2009)
Lucky 13: Expataversary and more (2008)
Twelfth Anniversary (2007)
Eleven Years an Expat (2006)

Related:
Ex, but not ex- – A 2006 post about being an expat
Changing policies and lives – A 2011 post about becoming a permanent resident
12 years a citizen – A 2014 post about becoming a NZ citizen