Eleven years married

Here I am again: Another anniversary of when Nigel and I were finally legally married. That was eleven years ago today, on October 31, 2013. It’s something I think about often, including the fact that he died around a month short of our sixth anniversary. But, then, of course I think about Nigel and the fact he’s not here.

I’m keenly aware that an eleventh wedding anniversary—or any sort of eleventh anniversary—isn’t particularly significant. Maybe it’s just me, but I tend to pay particular attention to anniversaries (including my birthdays) that end in five or zero, something I’ve mentioned in the past (including last year). But, an eleventh anniversary? What’s that? Apparently steel is the appropriate gift, though I’ve never paid attention to that.

Also seemingly irrelevant is that this coming Saturday, November 2, is the 29th anniversary of when I arrived in New Zealand to live, and Nigel and I began our life together. I’ll have more to say about that on the day, but just by the numbers alone, next year’s anniversary just sounds more significant, even though it’s merely one year later. And yet, just like today, Saturday’s anniversary is still important to me and my life even though the person who was at the centre of both has been gone five years.

When I write one of these anniversary blog posts—and I have several posts for several anniversaries every year—I always look up, at the very least, the previous year’s post. That’s what I did this year, and I have to say something I wouldn’t normally ever say: I think that last year’s anniversary post is among the best things I’ve ever written, and not just among my best blog posts. I’m not suggesting that anyone else should think the same thing, or even that it was merely “okay”; my core attitude about everything I create is I that it’s for others to judge the worth, if any, of my work. However, to me, that post captures extremely well what I was thinking and feeling at that time, and, in fact, what I’ve thought and felt about this anniversary pretty much every wedding anniversary since Nigel died.

I’ve always felt that storytelling is at the very core of what makes us human, and who better to tell our own stories than us? Ideally, others may get something from our stories, whether it moves them, enlightens them, or maybe just reminds them of the glorious wonder in our all too brief stay on this watery planet speeding through the universe.

The future is still as murky to me as it’s ever been, and I still have know idea whether that will change or when. But when I think about the improbable path that led me to the wonderful life I had with Nigel, I know not to make any assumptions about what is to come. As I said last year,

I’ll eventually figure things out, despite how difficult that is, and the reason I know that is embodied in the photo at the top of this post: I carry him close in my heart now just as I did then. I know that’s what will get me through into whatever my future will be. And when I do, I’ll have him and our life together to thank for it.

Our wedding anniversary is a reflective time for me, and has both sadness and optimism precisely because of what this is an anniversary of. And that, I think, is the best wedding anniversary gift possible.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart. I love you. Always.

Previously
Ten years married (2023)
Nine years married (2022)
Eight years married (2021)
It’s still seven years married (2020)
Mixed feelings day (2019)
Fifth Anniversary (2018)
Fourth Anniversary (2017)
Third Anniversary (2016)
Second Anniversary (2015)
Still married (2014)

Related
To be married
Husband and husband
Just one more