Thirty-one years later

Another month, and another anniversary—or so it seems. November 2 used to be THE anniversary because that day in 1995 was when I arrived in New Zealand to live, and Nigel and I began our life together. That fact meant we thought of this date as our anniversary, and even though we gained another anniversary, then one more, this was our day, the anniversary of when he and I became an “us”. Without Nigel, this day might now seem to be more about me in New Zealand, the fact remains that had I never met Nigel, I wouldn’t have moved to New Zealand, so the anniversary of “us” is still the most important part.

When this day arrives every year, I still think of the dual meaning of the day—though, in fact, I always have. This year’s anniversary coincides with the Advance Voting period of New Zealand’s 2026 General Election, something that’s all over the news (and, of course, ads…), but that also underscores the fact that New Zealand was always a party to this anniversary: Had the government not allowed me to come here, would we ever have had an us? Thankfully, we never had to find out. I back in 2024:

Obviously, Nigel was the entire reason I came to this country, and so, the fact that I arrived took a backseat to the fact that we began our life together on that day. Both were very big deals, but it really was a case of the sum being greater than the parts.

These days, my life has two main, and sometimes competing, aspects. First, there are all the day-to-day realities of life, like that today I did two loads of washing. Many of those daily realities are also heavily influenced and shaped by the fact I’ve lived in New Zealand for 31 years. But another large part of my life reality is that I’m trying to find my way forward in a world and life I couldn’t have imagined before I entered it, one without Nigel. This day is the main one in which all of that is in the front of my mind.

So, as always, everything about this date is, and will remain, directly connected with Nigel. In my opinion, that’s as it should be

Happy main anniversary, sweetheart.

Previously:
Thirty years later (2025)
Twenty-nine years later (2024)
Twenty-eight years later (2023)
Twenty-seven years later (2022)
Twenty-six years later (2021)
Twenty-five years later (2020)
Twenty four Years (2019)

Posts from happier years:
Twenty Three Years Together (2018)
Twenty Two Years Together (2017)
Twenty One Years Together (2016)
Twenty Years Together (2015)
Surreal 19th Expataversary (2014)
Eighteen (2013)
The day that really mattered (2012)
Sweet sixteen (2011)
Fifteen (2010)
Fourteen (2009)
Lucky 13: Expataversary and more (2008)
Twelfth Anniversary (2007)
Eleven Years an Expat (2006)

Related:
Ex, but not ex- – A 2006 post about being an expat
Changing policies and lives – A 2011 post about becoming a permanent resident
12 years a citizen – A 2014 post about becoming a NZ citizen

The tree for me

There’s one image that pops up in my photos on this blog and social media—and I mean aside from those showing me or Leo—and that’s photos with one particular tree on my street. There are several trees on my street, but only one that I can see when I’m sitting in my chair in the living area, and so, that tree has been in numerous photos. Realising that fact led me to take a new photo of the tree, and to realise a sort historic anomaly,

Back in September, I took a photo of the tree after the time the September Equinox arrived in New Zealand. That made me wonder: How different would the tree look exactly one month later? So, on October 23, I took another photo at roughly the same spot I took the one in October. Those two photos are up top, and while I tried to make the two as similar as possible, but, well, its close enough, I guess. By October, the tree pretty much had its summer clothes on, looking as it will until late autumn.

The tree’s summer look is my favourite, and not just because it’s for summer, but also because the leaves help block the streetlight. Some evenings I like to leave the curtains open and the lights off as daylight turns to twilight, especially if the sky is pretty. That streetlight sitches on at dusk, as they usually do, and kind of ruins the effect—except in summertime when that tree shields me from the streetlight. It’s a small thing—a very small thing—but one that I noticed every year.

So, that tree has been in many of my photos, in whole or in part, in daytime and at night, but that made me wonder: Did I have any photos of the tree when it was still a baby? I shifted into this house in January 2020, and that’s nearly seven years ago, and the tree’s grown a lot. But, did I have photos of it as it grew up?

The answer turned out to be no—hey, it IS a tree, not a dog, cat, or person to whom I related. Even so, I must have a few, right? Well, it turns out I have one, taken July 19, 2020 (photo at right). That particular day, contractors were dilvering the new recycling bins for Hamilton City Council, something that Covid Lockdowns had delayed for months. I originally intended to worte a post about the bins, but never did. I don’t remember why I didn’t do that, but I know that the fact that the subject is kind of niche wasn’t the reason—when has that ever stopped me? I htink part of it was that in several of the photos workers faces were visible, and blurring them would make the photo look weird. I had other photos after my bins were delivered, and with no people in them, but by then I was over it.

At any rate, the tree was much shorter than that when I first looked at the house in late November 2019, but I didn’t take a photo then—or for another twn months. Still, it’s better than nothing, and it means my impression that the tree has grown a lot since I moved in is actually true. I feel so validated.

It kind of amuses me how that one tree has already become a fixure of my life in Kirikiriroa-Hamilton, and that if I stay in this house for a very long time, one day it’ll be a big ol’ adult tree, like what one might see in any established neighbourhood—which mine is already on the road to becoming, even if I seldom realise that.

Sure, it’s just a tree. But it’s also become a character in my own story here in this house. I should point out, for the avoidance of doubt, the tree has a non-speaking role. Even I’m in on the joke, you see.

Thirteen years married

Thirteen years ago today, Nigel and I were finally legally married. It’s alsno now the eighth that Nigel didn’t get to celebrate. This is always a difficult time of year for me.

As I’ve said many time, the entire reason we were married on October 31 is that it was the closest date we could get to November 2, the date we always thought of as our anniversary. So, in late August is NIgel’s birthday, then around a month later, in Septmeber, I face The Horrible Anniversary of losing Nigel. A little more than a month later is our wedding anniversary, then a couple days more and it’s November 2 again. Things get easier on me after that (with the possible exception of my birthday when I also miss him.

Last year, I summed up this particular period:

Every year since Nigel died I’ve had mixed feelings about these few days, but each year I’ve also focused on what I need to do for daily life, or maybe even what I what to do for my future. Because of all that, it’d be surprising if I didn’t have mixed feelings.

Indeed. There’s something else about this, though, and it’s something that that probably surprises some people: There’s not necessarily anything painful about sad feelings. For me, it makes me feel, and it reminds me, yet again, of deeply having Nigel in my life affected me. In sense, it’s these days that most renew my sense of connection to all that, and to Nigel.

When Nigel and I were legally married, it was something that we never thought would be possible in our lifetimes. The fact that we both were able to get married is the important thing. It’s also why I always remember this anniversary, and happy about it at the very same time I’m also sad that Nigel isn’t here to celebrate it, too.

As I’ve often said, I was forever changed by my life with Nigel. That fact still influences my life, even as I move forward without him. And that’s precisely why this anniversary, and this whole period, means so much to me, and always will.

Happy Anniversary, sweetheart. I love you. Always.

Previously
Twelve years married (2025)

Eleven years married (2024)
Ten years married (2023)
Nine years married (2022)
Eight years married (2021)
It’s still seven years married (2020)
Mixed feelings day (2019)
Fifth Anniversary (2018)
Fourth Anniversary (2017)
Third Anniversary (2016)
Second Anniversary (2015)
Still married (2014)

Related
To be married
Husband and husband
Just one more

Pōti ahau – I voted (2026)

Today I voted in New Zealand’s General Election, and that’s because I now always vote in the Advance Voting period, which is the two weeks before Election Day (Saturday, November 7). This year I also voted at Te Awa, the mall at The Base Shopping Centre, around ten minutes from my house. As always everything went smoothly, but this year things are different.

For the first time in some 40 years, people were no longer able to register and vote in the two-week Advance Voting period (the current government changed the law for some bizarre reason). The NZ Elections people are concerned that too many people won’t have heard the message (most of the advertising I saw was on traditional broadcast media…) and may turn up, anyway, and they’re concerned a few of those people might cause trouble. So, some voting places have a security guard stationed there (mine did; people from 4 or 5 different electorates from across the region can vote there).

Just today, I saw a news report today that Election Workers have been told that if one of these affected people turns up and is too insistent, they should allow them to vote, even though it won’t be counted. All of which means Election Workers may be under added stress this year, so I said to the woman who gave me my ballot, “Thank you for doing this work. It’s so important!” She seemed a bit surprised, but thanked me. I guess that means they don’t hear that very often.

On the plus side, this was the first year they emailed EasyVote cards to registered voters (they all used to be sent by post). The cards make it very easy and fast for Election Workers to find our names in the printed Electoral Roll. They then ask us to state our name, but we’re not required to show any identification. All up, I was done in less than 10 minutes.

The photo above, and the one I shared for my voting day in 2023, both have me looking a bit tense, I think. That’s because I always feel odd taking a selfie in such a public place, and also because I’m actually staring at the screen to make sure no identifiable person can be seen.

And, to finish the story, I of course voted to change the government: Two Ticks Labour. Again.

Previous posts about me voting:

Pōti ahau – I voted (2023)
Pōti ahau – I voted (2020)
The voting is done (2017)
I love voting My 2014 post about my first Early Voting experience
How I will vote – My general post about the 2011 election
The New Zealand election – My post about the 2008 General Election, the first after I started this blog.

My labouring days

Yesterday was the Labour Day public holiday in New Zealand. As usual, I didn’t do anything special on the day, apart from labouring on my work on the house. I did not, however, do any actual gardening this weekend, like so many other Kiwis do on Labour Weekend. This is a sort of review of what I’ve been up to, and what I wasn’t up to, at this time of year.

Technically, I did do some work on the gardens, loosely defined, all of which was directly related to taming the wild lands that is my backyard. It began a week ago today when I mowed the back lawn—or, more accurately, I started mowing it. I used the line trimmer first to tame all the boundaries, including the infamous bank along the side of my yard, which is something I haven’t done since early winter (around two months, in other words).

I then started mowing the itself, but only got about two-thirds through before the battery died, something that hasn’t happened in a very, very long time. The issue is that it had been around three and a half weeks since I last mowed, with extended rainy spells delaying me. Unfortunately, that rain coincided with somewhat warmer temperatures than is normal at this time of year, meaning everything grew fast and thick. It also meant that it was moist down near the soil level, and that heavy glugginess is what drained the battery.

I went back inside and put the battery down to cool (it won’t charge right after heavy use because it’s too hot and the charger has censors to prevent overheating—and the “thermal runaway” that can cause the battery to explode). Then, I grabbed a broom and swept the cemented areas out there (the patio, and outside the side door). The mower battery didn’t finish recharging until around 5pm, and I was over it by then.

The next day, I finished the mowing. Monday’s mowing took around 23 minutes, and Tuesday needed another 13 minutes (my watch tracked it for me). To put this into some context, it normally takes me 20-odd minutes and around half a battery charge to do the entire back lawn.

We’re now at the point of the year when I really ought to be mowing the back lawn every week, not every other week as I had been doing. I looked at the lawn late this afternoon and saw it could use another mow already. Actually, the photo up top shows weeds blooming in my lawn on Saturday—and that was just the biggest (and, I’d argue, the prettiest…) display in the lawn: The first small blooms reappeared a few days earlier.

However, I’d originally planned to plant some things for summer (like tomatoes ), and that meant a I’d have to join the throngs at the home centre—except I didn’t. I reviewed my budget and decided to put it off a few more days.

A much bigger barrier was that some rainy weather returned. I still need to move the Vegepod to its new home, and that means putting some pavers into the lawn to keep the wheels from sinking into the ground. The weather kept me from working on that, but I at least made the paper template that will make it faster and easier for me to place the pavers—when the weather permits, of course.

Actually, part of the reason I pushed through the mowing was that I needed to do that before I moved the Vegepod. Just as the weather delayed the mowing, it then again delayed me working on the Vegepod, too. This week, maybe? I live in hope.

Before last week, I was working slowly on Spring Cleaning inside the house, with tidying, scrubbing, and also lots vacuuming—so thorough that it required several battery recharges. As I worked through all my recent projects inside the house, I realised that all of them—indeed, all my many projects that are in any way related to my house—will take as long as they take. Nearly everything I’ve done, especially over the past few months, has taken me longer to complete than I’d anticipated. I now expect that to be true.

Nevertheless, I have a new goal: I want to complete my “Operation Reinvent My House” (mega?) project by the end of the year. That project is a refresh and reorganising of the inside of my house (not including the Garage of No Return, but it does include the patio, which is why I need the Vegepod moved). Why the end of the year? Well, mostly just because I don’t want to extend this work into yet another year: I want it to be over. Well, “over” until down the road I either decide to redecorate again, move somewhere else, or whatever. I still hope to get the garage sorted by then, too (a birthday present for myself?), but, yeah, first things first.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to in recent weeks. What’s new with you?

Update – October 28, 2026: Today was a sunny day, so I mowed the back lawn, and it did, in fact, need it. In fact, it was long enough in patches that I could hear the mower briefly labour a bit. However, mowing the whole lawn took me a more typical 19:30 and I ended up with a similarly typical roughly half of the battery's charge remaining. At the moment, next week is looking to be rainy, apart from Monday. Yay.

Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 24

This week’s song was the last Number One song of October 1986—and the first on November 1986. On October 25, 1986, the new Number One song on the Billboard “Hot 100” was “True Colors” (video up top) by American singer Cyndi Lauper. The song was the first single from Lauper's second studio album, also called True Colors.

Unusually, it seems, this is a song I actually liked back in the day, however (and a “but” was probably predictable…), I did start to get sick it of some time later when it was used in a commercial for camera film. The fact that I remember that underscores how much that TV ad started to annoy me. None of that is actually about the song, of course. It was written by American songwriters Billy Steinberg and Tom Kelly, but they credit Lauper for the arrangement of the song. The video for the song was in heavy rotation on MTV at the time, and that means I’d have seen it a lot. Watching at again now, it seems a little odd—I have no idea if I thought that back then.

The song went on to become particularly popular in the LGBTQ+ communities, and Lauper herself said the song initially resonated with her because when she was first offered it, she’d recently lost a friend to HIV/AIDS. She later created the True Colors United to end LGBTQ+ youth homelessness.

I never bought the album, which isn’t unusual for me, of course, thought I’d bought her debut album, She's So Unusual on vinyl, and I practically wore it out. Well, kinda nearly. That record never made it to New Zealand, and we never bought any of her albums on CD, but three different compilation CDs had one of her songs, of which was a different track from this album. So, there’s that, I suppose.

The song “True Colors” reached Number 3 in Australia, Number One in Canada (Gold), 8 in New Zealand (Platinum), 12 in the UK (Gold), and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100” and also Number One on the Cash Box “Top 100” chart. It was certified Platinum in the USA.

The album True Colors reached Number One in Australia (Gold), 8 in Canada (2x Platinum), 3 in New Zealand (Platinum), 25 in the UK (Silver), and 4 on the USA’s ”Billboard 200”, as wells as 5 on the Cash Box “Top 200” album chart. It was certified 2x Platinum in the USA.

This series will return in two weeks, on November 8.

Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:

Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 19 – August 30, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 20 – September 6, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 21 – September 13, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 22 – September 20, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 23 – October 11, 2026

Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 23

The first song to reach the top of the Billboard “Hot 100” in October 1986 arrived 40 years ago this week. On October 11, 1986, “When I Think of You” (video up top) by American singer Janet Jackson became the new Number One. The song was the third single from Jackson's third studio album, Control.

I didn’t dislike this song—mostly, I thought it was “okay”, which was (and pretty much still is) my non-committal, statement of lukewarm approval. Back in the day, when I saw the video (up top), my original impression was that it reminded me of old Hollywood musicals, but more “inspired by” than being slavish copies. I liked that, but I was nevertheless kind of indifferent to the video. There were other songs (and videos) by Janet Jackson that I liked better than this one—or did I? I haven’t seen the video in a very, very long time, maybe even decades, and it’s not a song I ever randomly hear, like on the radio or even in a TV commercial, so maybe my perception of my 1986 reactions to the song and video were actually different than I remember them being. Maybe, in a case like this, it’s that sometimes absence makes memory grow vaguer?

“When I Think of You” reached Number 53 in Australia, 6 in Canada, 23 in New Zealand, 10 in the UK, and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100” and “Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs” charts. It was also Number One on the Cash Box “Top 100” chart. It was certified Platinum in the USA.

The album Control reached Number 25 in Australia, 11 in Canada (Platinum), 5 in New Zealand (Gold), 8 in the UK (Platinum), as well as reaching Number One on the USA’s ”Billboard 200”, “Dance Singles Sales”, and “Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums” charts. It was certified 5x Platinum in the USA.

This series will return in two weeks, on October 25.

Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:

Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 19 – August 30, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 20 – September 6, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 21 – September 13, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 22 – September 20, 2026