Four weeks ago, I finished the guest room wardobe project. That project should’ve taken me less than a week, but instead it took four weeks to complete, due to an unfortunate bad reaction to a prescription. Finishing that project meant the inevitable: Moving on to the next project—and I did.
Back in July, I talked about my plan for (finally…) finishing the inside of my house. I hadn’t even yet begun when I changed it, after I decided to start with the guest room, because it was closest to being finished. The next step in my revised plan was to focus on decluttering the living area (excluding the kitchen, which is its own project).
In the weeks since I finished the wardrobe project, my focus has been decluttering, and the photo above is related to that. Over the past few years I’d put magazines—read or not—on the shelf of a trolley I use as side table. To be fair, the pile wasn’t necessarily all that unsightly, but it was to me, and I thought it’d be a (relatively) easy win—and it actually basically was easy, much to my surprise.
The first thing I did was pull out duplicates (there were a couple…), and one-off copies of magazines (ones I bought to “try out”). I put them all in a pile and, ultimately in the recycling bin, which is emptied every other week. I realised right away that the magazines collectively weigh a LOT, and there’s a weight limit for how much can be in the bin, so that meant it would take me several weeks to get rid of all the rejects.
My next goal was to gather together all the magazines I wanted to keep, because they were all over the house, and arrange them in chronological order. Then I’d put them in the two cubes I set aside for them: Whatever fits stays, and what doesn’t would be recycled. This goes back to something I began at our house on Auckland’s North Shore (the one before our last house together).
I had a set of shelves in our guest room wardrobe (before I installed a shelving system in that one…), and I had a simple rule: “One in, one out.” Every time I put a new magazine on the shelf, the oldest would go into the recycling bin. I should probably add that, yes, I do actually look at older magazines from time to time (the magazines I was keeping are a title that I’ve been buying for more than 20 years).
Here in Hamilton, I put the magazines in two bottom cubes of the nine cube shelves in my living area, shelves that are mainly a mix of cookbooks, some decor, photos, that sort of thing. I realised that I liked the colourful spines of the magazines all lined up (as in the photo up top), and I had nothing else to go in those two cubes, so here I am (a side note: I have three cubes of cookbooks, too, and I want to purge some of them, too, but if I ever need another cube, I can just purge more magazines).
I sorted the magazines for those two cubes between August 31 and September 5, and this past Friday, September 11, a large pile of magazines were emptied from the recycling bin. The last lot is already in the bin, waiting for the next collection in two weeks. So, roughly two weeks after I began it, that project is basically done, though I expect I’ll keep refining the stash. I should add that I didn’t work on the project every day, and there was only one one day of sorting that was even remotely intense—though perhaps that was because I was trying to read the issue’s date in small type, often in white against a pastel colour. My increasingly elderly eyes were not happy.
Also, in the time since the wardrobe project ended, I went through five storage boxes that used to be in the guest room wardrobe. They’re a size that could hold a couple reams or so of office paper, but I’d put some of my random clothing items in them—two houses ago. I washed everything, tried it all on, and put some stuff aside to donate, and a few items I put with the clothes I actually wear. The boxes themselves are back on the top shelf of the guest room wardrobe—and they’re all empty. I think I’ll eventually use them in my office. Maybe.
So, another aspect of my house-wide decluttering and reorganising project is finished. I’m not even close to being finished with the inside of the house, but everything I finish brings me closer to that point. This magazine project is clearly very small, but I can see the difference doing it made, and while small, it’s progress, nevertheless. Onward.
Sunday, September 13, 2026
Saturday, September 12, 2026
31 years
Today is the 31st anniversary of when I arrived in New Zealand as a tourist, and Nigel and I met in person for the first time. Basically, September 12, 1995 was arguably the true beginning of us becoming US—and yet, we eventually stopped mentioning this anniversary, focusing instead on November 2, the 1995 date I arrived back in New Zealand to stay.
Another reason this particular anniversary fell away is the calendar: September 12 is September 11 in the USA, and the events of that fateful date in 2001 overshadowed everything. In fact, I only started talking about it again when I began this blog, and it eventually became the kick-off for my “Season of Anniversaries” posts. Now? It’s even more poignant for me, because it was the very last anniversary Nigel and I shared was still alive: It was the very last time Nigel and I ever said "Happy Anniversary" to each other.
So, Thirty-one years ago today was the true start of the "us" that Nigel and I became, even though it was some weeks later that it became permanent. But, as I said last year, “I got to be with the love of my life for the rest of his life: How could I ever NOT remember this anniversary?”
Indeed.
Previous posts about my arrival anniversary (the first three and 2023 only mention it):
Anniversary Time (2007)
Blogoversary 2 (2008)
Anniversaries Three and Fourteen (2009)
Where it began (2010)
Anniversary of the beginning (2011)
Another anniversary (2012)
18 years ago today (2013)
19 years ago today (2014)
Twenty years ago today (2015)
21 years ago today (2016)
22 years ago today (2017)
23 years ago today (2018)
24 years ago today (2019)
25 years ago today (2020)
26 years ago today (2021)
26 years ago today (2022)
Anniversaries 17 and 28 (2023)
29 years ago today (2024)
Thirty years, Part One (2025)
Another reason this particular anniversary fell away is the calendar: September 12 is September 11 in the USA, and the events of that fateful date in 2001 overshadowed everything. In fact, I only started talking about it again when I began this blog, and it eventually became the kick-off for my “Season of Anniversaries” posts. Now? It’s even more poignant for me, because it was the very last anniversary Nigel and I shared was still alive: It was the very last time Nigel and I ever said "Happy Anniversary" to each other.
So, Thirty-one years ago today was the true start of the "us" that Nigel and I became, even though it was some weeks later that it became permanent. But, as I said last year, “I got to be with the love of my life for the rest of his life: How could I ever NOT remember this anniversary?”
Indeed.
Previous posts about my arrival anniversary (the first three and 2023 only mention it):
Anniversary Time (2007)
Blogoversary 2 (2008)
Anniversaries Three and Fourteen (2009)
Where it began (2010)
Anniversary of the beginning (2011)
Another anniversary (2012)
18 years ago today (2013)
19 years ago today (2014)
Twenty years ago today (2015)
21 years ago today (2016)
22 years ago today (2017)
23 years ago today (2018)
24 years ago today (2019)
25 years ago today (2020)
26 years ago today (2021)
26 years ago today (2022)
Anniversaries 17 and 28 (2023)
29 years ago today (2024)
Thirty years, Part One (2025)
Sunday, September 06, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 20
It’s a new month, and a new song hit Number One this week in 1986. On September 6, 1986, “Venus” (video up top) by English pop group Bananarama reached the top of the Billboard “Hot 100”. The song was a cover of the 1969 song by Dutch rock band Shocking Blue. Bananarama’s version was included on their third studio album, True Confessions.
I liked this song: It had a good beat—and a fairly high energy beat—and I thought it was fun. It was produced by the legendary trio of Stock Aitken Waterman, who were responsible for so much of the music I liked in the mid to late 1980s. Back in that era, I liked a lot of New Wave, and New Wave-adjacent music, including uptempo New Wave dance music, which, in my opinion, was the parent (grandparent?) of EDM (Electronic Dance Music). To me, “Venus” was one of several examples of that.
I was familiar with songs by Bananarama, beginning in 1984 with "Cruel Summer" and “Robert De Niro's Waiting...”. Not long after that, I heard their 1982 collaboration with Fun Boy Three, a New Wave version of a 1939 jazz song, "It Ain't What You Do (It's The Way That You Do It)". So, I wasn’t surprised when “Venus” went to Number One, and I was probably predisposed to like it.
Bananarama’s cover of "Venus" reached Number One in Australia, Canada (Platinum), New Zealand, Number 8 in the UK (Silver), and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100”, “US Dance Club Songs”, and “US Dance Singles” charts, and it also reached Number 3 on the Cash Box “Top 100 Singles” chart.
The album True Confessions reached Number 19 in Australia, 10 in Canada (Platinum), 33 in New Zealand, 46 in the UK, as well as Number 15 on the USA’s ”Billboard 200” chart (Gold).
This series will return next week, on September 13 with the next Number One of September 1986.
Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 19 – August 30, 2026
I liked this song: It had a good beat—and a fairly high energy beat—and I thought it was fun. It was produced by the legendary trio of Stock Aitken Waterman, who were responsible for so much of the music I liked in the mid to late 1980s. Back in that era, I liked a lot of New Wave, and New Wave-adjacent music, including uptempo New Wave dance music, which, in my opinion, was the parent (grandparent?) of EDM (Electronic Dance Music). To me, “Venus” was one of several examples of that.
I was familiar with songs by Bananarama, beginning in 1984 with "Cruel Summer" and “Robert De Niro's Waiting...”. Not long after that, I heard their 1982 collaboration with Fun Boy Three, a New Wave version of a 1939 jazz song, "It Ain't What You Do (It's The Way That You Do It)". So, I wasn’t surprised when “Venus” went to Number One, and I was probably predisposed to like it.
Bananarama’s cover of "Venus" reached Number One in Australia, Canada (Platinum), New Zealand, Number 8 in the UK (Silver), and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100”, “US Dance Club Songs”, and “US Dance Singles” charts, and it also reached Number 3 on the Cash Box “Top 100 Singles” chart.
The album True Confessions reached Number 19 in Australia, 10 in Canada (Platinum), 33 in New Zealand, 46 in the UK, as well as Number 15 on the USA’s ”Billboard 200” chart (Gold).
This series will return next week, on September 13 with the next Number One of September 1986.
Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 19 – August 30, 2026
Monday, August 31, 2026
An August side quest
I always have a lot of projects on the go, some big and/or important, and a lot that aren’t—actually, most of them probably aren’t even remotely important. However, some of them end up being useful, making my life easier. This is one of that kind.
For a long time now, I’ve been using liquid hand soap (among other products) from a New Zealand company called Ecostore which makes soaps, cleaners, etc., made using plant and mineral-based ingredients, instead of chemicals derived from petroleum (back in July 2-18, I talked about why I started using the company’s products). Over time, the company changed their packaging, moving from small bottles for use at sinks/basins to a larger size. This mattered to me because the larger size didn’t need to be refilled as often—but they still need to be refilled, of course.
The photo above shows the current pump bottle in the middle, and the refill bottle on the left. The small bottle holds 300ml, and the refill holds 800ml, and so, refills the pump bottle two and two-thirds times, which frankly is a bit odd (I wonder if users tend to under-fill the pump bottle and get three refills?). At any rate, since I use the pump bottle in the en suite to most of all, I need to refill that bottle the most frequently. The bottle on the right side was my solution.
I refill the hand soap bottle at the kitchen sink (in case I spill… and because I use the refill method I talked about back in October 2021)), and then I wash out the empty refill bottle before putting it in the recycling bin. I recently had a pump mechanism from an old bottle laying in the kitchen bench, and I thought, “Hm, that looks like it would fit in the refill bottle.” Since I had an empty refill bottle, I tried it and it worked (I didn’t try the original pump bottle’s pump mechanism because the plastic tube that sucks up the soap would be way too short).
The next time I needed to refill the bottle in my ensuite, I tried putting a large pump mechanism into the refill bottle, and it worked perfectly! I should emphasise that IT worked, however, I grabbed the wrong pump mechanism and use one that had been in a bottle of Leo’s dog shampoo, and I I hadn’t cleaned it after I took it out of the bottle. This meant that for several uses, the soap was lavender-scented dog shampoo, then an odd mix of lavender and citrusy secnt of the actual handsoap. Oops. It didn’t take long to come right.
I’ve had a couple weeks using it now, and I would’ve probably needed to refill a regular-size bottle by now, and it turns out that I really do appreciate a (very) small improvement in the amount of time that my routine household rituals take up. I thought it would work, and I’m glad it did—but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if it hadn’t worked. Possibly.
This was obviously a very small, largely insignificant project, but it’s still nice to see it work out the way I thought it it would. I think the actual larger lesson I take away from this is that if I can find ways to improve even common things, why not try it? They won’t always work, but there’s only one way to find out, and I’m glad I did.
And, it also turns out that I’m still a helpful blogger. Nice.
For a long time now, I’ve been using liquid hand soap (among other products) from a New Zealand company called Ecostore which makes soaps, cleaners, etc., made using plant and mineral-based ingredients, instead of chemicals derived from petroleum (back in July 2-18, I talked about why I started using the company’s products). Over time, the company changed their packaging, moving from small bottles for use at sinks/basins to a larger size. This mattered to me because the larger size didn’t need to be refilled as often—but they still need to be refilled, of course.
The photo above shows the current pump bottle in the middle, and the refill bottle on the left. The small bottle holds 300ml, and the refill holds 800ml, and so, refills the pump bottle two and two-thirds times, which frankly is a bit odd (I wonder if users tend to under-fill the pump bottle and get three refills?). At any rate, since I use the pump bottle in the en suite to most of all, I need to refill that bottle the most frequently. The bottle on the right side was my solution.
I refill the hand soap bottle at the kitchen sink (in case I spill… and because I use the refill method I talked about back in October 2021)), and then I wash out the empty refill bottle before putting it in the recycling bin. I recently had a pump mechanism from an old bottle laying in the kitchen bench, and I thought, “Hm, that looks like it would fit in the refill bottle.” Since I had an empty refill bottle, I tried it and it worked (I didn’t try the original pump bottle’s pump mechanism because the plastic tube that sucks up the soap would be way too short).
The next time I needed to refill the bottle in my ensuite, I tried putting a large pump mechanism into the refill bottle, and it worked perfectly! I should emphasise that IT worked, however, I grabbed the wrong pump mechanism and use one that had been in a bottle of Leo’s dog shampoo, and I I hadn’t cleaned it after I took it out of the bottle. This meant that for several uses, the soap was lavender-scented dog shampoo, then an odd mix of lavender and citrusy secnt of the actual handsoap. Oops. It didn’t take long to come right.
I’ve had a couple weeks using it now, and I would’ve probably needed to refill a regular-size bottle by now, and it turns out that I really do appreciate a (very) small improvement in the amount of time that my routine household rituals take up. I thought it would work, and I’m glad it did—but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it if it hadn’t worked. Possibly.
This was obviously a very small, largely insignificant project, but it’s still nice to see it work out the way I thought it it would. I think the actual larger lesson I take away from this is that if I can find ways to improve even common things, why not try it? They won’t always work, but there’s only one way to find out, and I’m glad I did.
And, it also turns out that I’m still a helpful blogger. Nice.
Sunday, August 30, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 19
40 years ago today, a song reached Number One on the Billboard “Hot 100”, the final one for August. On August 30, 1986, “Higher Love” (video up top) by English singer Steve Winwood hit Number One, the first of Winwood’s songs to do so. The song was the first single from his fourth studio album, Back in the High Life.
I remember the song begin on the radio back in the day, and I liked it well enough, though I wasn’t a fan of Winwood. I never bought any of his singles or albums back in the day, though years later Nigel and I bought a compilation that included his 1980 Number 2 hit, “While You See a Chance”. I was also familiar with Winwood’s work with the 1960s band, The Spencer Davis Group, but arguably the main reason I knew about them was because Olivia Newton-John included a cover of SDG's “Gimme Some Lovin” on her 1978 album, Totally Hot, and because two years later, it was included in the soundtrack for the movie The Blues Brothers. And that’s pretty much the entire extent of my connection to Steve Winwood.
“Higher Love” reached Number 8 in Australia, Number One in Canada, 11 in New Zealand (2x Platinum), 13 in the UK (Platinum), and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100” and “US Mainstream Rock” charts. It wasn’t certified in the USA.
The album Back in the High Life reached Number 11 in Australia, 6 in Canada, 19 in New Zealand (Gold), 8 in the UK (Gold), as well as reaching Number 3 on the USA’s ”Billboard 200” chart. It was certified 3x Platinum in the USA.
This series will return next week, on September 6. Also, how is it September already?!
Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
I remember the song begin on the radio back in the day, and I liked it well enough, though I wasn’t a fan of Winwood. I never bought any of his singles or albums back in the day, though years later Nigel and I bought a compilation that included his 1980 Number 2 hit, “While You See a Chance”. I was also familiar with Winwood’s work with the 1960s band, The Spencer Davis Group, but arguably the main reason I knew about them was because Olivia Newton-John included a cover of SDG's “Gimme Some Lovin” on her 1978 album, Totally Hot, and because two years later, it was included in the soundtrack for the movie The Blues Brothers. And that’s pretty much the entire extent of my connection to Steve Winwood.
“Higher Love” reached Number 8 in Australia, Number One in Canada, 11 in New Zealand (2x Platinum), 13 in the UK (Platinum), and Number One on the USA’s “Billboard Hot 100” and “US Mainstream Rock” charts. It wasn’t certified in the USA.
The album Back in the High Life reached Number 11 in Australia, 6 in Canada, 19 in New Zealand (Gold), 8 in the UK (Gold), as well as reaching Number 3 on the USA’s ”Billboard 200” chart. It was certified 3x Platinum in the USA.
This series will return next week, on September 6. Also, how is it September already?!
Previously in the “Weekend Diversion – 1986” series:
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 1 – January 18, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 2 – February 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 3 – March 1, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 4 – March 15, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 5 – March 22, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 6 – March 29, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 7 – April 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 8 – May 3, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 9 – May 10, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 10 – May 17, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 11 – June 7, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 12 – June 14, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 13 – July 5, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 14 – July 12, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 15 – July 19, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 16 – July 26, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 17 – August 2, 2026
Weekend Diversion: 1986, Part 18 – August 16, 2026
Thursday, August 27, 2026
Nigel would’ve been 62
Today my Nigel would’ve turned 62, and, just like last year’s, that would basically be “a shoulder-shrug birthday”. For me, however, the notable thing is that this is the seventh birthday Nigel never got to experience, and I use the word “experience” deliberately, because he hated being the centre of attention—and I loved to try to make a fuss of his birthday at least a little bit as much as he made a fuss of mine (sometimes I even succeeded)..
So, here we are, another birthday missed by the most important person in my adult life, and once again I’m reflective about—well everything, and this year in particular. Last week was the tenth anniversary of when I got my cardiac stent. The thing I haven’t really said often enough about that whole time is how utterly terrified I was. I was worried about how snaking a probe up through the vein in my arm and into my heart was something that might end up killing me, but that wasn’t what I was actually focused on. When they said I was going in for the procedure much earlier than I expected, I was even more terrified, not of the procedure, but that I might die without Nigel even getting the chance to say goodbye (because he couldn't get to the hospital before I went in). The only thing—literally the only thing—I kept focusing on was how much I wanted to get through the procedure so I could see Nigel again. Fortunately for us both, everything went well, and even though we only got some three more years together, we got three more years together than we otherwise might have had.
In last year’s post, I wrote, “I’ve been thinking lately how time feels to me like it’s moving far more slowly than it really is,” and that’s still true. I don’t really have any feeling for how long it’s all been, but I’m always keenly aware of Nigel, who he was, his character, his intellect, his humour, and, of course, how very much he both meant to me and also influenced me. Every single day I remember things he did, said, joked about, and, especially, the way he made me feel. All of that is because of who he was, and I was just the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth that I got to share life with him, far too short though that time was.
As it happens, I visit Nigel’s mum, my mother-in-law, on Thursdays, and I joked with her at one point, “It’s really convenient that Nigel’s birthday this year coincided with my visit day,” and she laughed and said, “Isn’t it!” It’s always nice to spend those Thursday visits with her, but I’m particularly glad that I was there with her on Nigel’s birthday, and I think it made the day a little bit easier for her. This evening, again just like last year, I made Nigel’s signature dish for my dinner, a meal I talked about back in July of last year, and just like last year, it was a good batch. That, too, made me happy.
As always, I’d much rather be celebrating Nigel’s birthday with him (obviously…), and “living whatever our life would have become”, as I put it last year. But the main thing is that he’s still a real presence in my life, and always will be.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Always.
Previously:
Nigel would’ve been 61 (2025)
Nigel would’ve been 60 (2024)
Nigel would’ve been 59 (2023)
Nigel would’ve been 58 (2022)
Nigel would’ve been 57 (2021)
Surviving the day and being okay (A 2021 post on how I handled his birthday)
We celebrated Nigel’s birthday (About the party in 2020)
It won’t be a good day (2020 – the first birthday after he died)
Special Note: I didn’t talk about Nigel’s birthday on this blog while he was alive because I wanted to protect him, and so, I didn’t share stuff that was personal to him. I talk about it now because I have no way of knowing who may run across my posts, and maybe they'll help someone else in a situation similar to mine. Besides, I love talking about my Most Important Person.
So, here we are, another birthday missed by the most important person in my adult life, and once again I’m reflective about—well everything, and this year in particular. Last week was the tenth anniversary of when I got my cardiac stent. The thing I haven’t really said often enough about that whole time is how utterly terrified I was. I was worried about how snaking a probe up through the vein in my arm and into my heart was something that might end up killing me, but that wasn’t what I was actually focused on. When they said I was going in for the procedure much earlier than I expected, I was even more terrified, not of the procedure, but that I might die without Nigel even getting the chance to say goodbye (because he couldn't get to the hospital before I went in). The only thing—literally the only thing—I kept focusing on was how much I wanted to get through the procedure so I could see Nigel again. Fortunately for us both, everything went well, and even though we only got some three more years together, we got three more years together than we otherwise might have had.
In last year’s post, I wrote, “I’ve been thinking lately how time feels to me like it’s moving far more slowly than it really is,” and that’s still true. I don’t really have any feeling for how long it’s all been, but I’m always keenly aware of Nigel, who he was, his character, his intellect, his humour, and, of course, how very much he both meant to me and also influenced me. Every single day I remember things he did, said, joked about, and, especially, the way he made me feel. All of that is because of who he was, and I was just the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth that I got to share life with him, far too short though that time was.
As it happens, I visit Nigel’s mum, my mother-in-law, on Thursdays, and I joked with her at one point, “It’s really convenient that Nigel’s birthday this year coincided with my visit day,” and she laughed and said, “Isn’t it!” It’s always nice to spend those Thursday visits with her, but I’m particularly glad that I was there with her on Nigel’s birthday, and I think it made the day a little bit easier for her. This evening, again just like last year, I made Nigel’s signature dish for my dinner, a meal I talked about back in July of last year, and just like last year, it was a good batch. That, too, made me happy.
As always, I’d much rather be celebrating Nigel’s birthday with him (obviously…), and “living whatever our life would have become”, as I put it last year. But the main thing is that he’s still a real presence in my life, and always will be.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Always.
Previously:
Nigel would’ve been 61 (2025)
Nigel would’ve been 60 (2024)
Nigel would’ve been 59 (2023)
Nigel would’ve been 58 (2022)
Nigel would’ve been 57 (2021)
Surviving the day and being okay (A 2021 post on how I handled his birthday)
We celebrated Nigel’s birthday (About the party in 2020)
It won’t be a good day (2020 – the first birthday after he died)
Special Note: I didn’t talk about Nigel’s birthday on this blog while he was alive because I wanted to protect him, and so, I didn’t share stuff that was personal to him. I talk about it now because I have no way of knowing who may run across my posts, and maybe they'll help someone else in a situation similar to mine. Besides, I love talking about my Most Important Person.
Friday, August 21, 2026
A reminder of reality
Today was an interesting day. A guy came round to change the filters in the HRV home ventilation system, something they do every two years. It was, as usual, uneventful, but it also ended up being a reminder of how old I am. It happens.
The guy who came today was different from the one who changed the filters the first two times, and it turned out that the operations in the Waikato were bought by a new company. Makes no difference to me obviously, and yet…
After he changed the filters, he checked the airflow from each of the five vents (they were all good, of course), then he sat down to fill out the paperwork, and said, “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but do I hear an American accent?” He didn’t offer why he thought it might be rude, though legend has it that Canadians get tired of being assumed to be from their southern neighbour, which is ironic because these days it’d probably be best if people thought I came from north of that same border.
I said to him, “yes, that's where i came from originally.” He asked whereabouts, and I said, “Chicago”, which is literally the place I moved to New Zealand from, however, that reminded me that whenever my parents took me on holiday—whoops: “vacation”—and someone asked where we were from, she always answered, “near Chicago” (it was really about an hour’s drive from where we lived, but she knew no one in another state or country would know of the town we actually lived in).
The guy then reasonably asked, “how long have you been here?” I said, “30 years,” and he said, “Oh!” and paused no more than a split second before adding, “As long as I’ve been born.” I probably smiled a wry smile, knowing that I’ve actually been living here for closer to 31 years than 30.
That wasn’t the first time my age has been driven home for me, and it’s usually been inadvertent, except when it wasn’t. When I turned 60, Nigel had great fun saying to me, “Fuck you’re old!” Well, that and “I can’t believe I’m going to be married to a SIXTY year old!” I was so looking forward to being able to return the favour when he turned 60, but I never got the chance: He was 55 when he died.
The real truth is, I don’t actually care about how old I am, though sometimes I like to pretend I’m offended when someone mentions my age. Mainly, I’m on team “getting older beats the alternative”. However, I also know that the disconnect between my actual age and how old my brain thinks I am is widening, and I’ve read that’s quite common for people as they age. It certainly is for me, anyway.
I’m not sensitive about my age—it is what it is—but I’m definitely aware of it and of possible future issues. That’s why I started walking every day (except for sick days) for more than a year and a half, and why I started researching more things I can do that may help keep me in reasonably good condition as I get ever-closer to a true “elderly” age.
At the same time, I’m also keenly aware that getting older is a gift not everyone receives, and that’s particularly true this month: Next week is Nigel’s birthday, the seventh he never got to experience, just like the seven of my own birthdays he also never got to experience—or tease me about.
These are things I’m always aware of to some extent or other, but it’s usually front of mind only when something raises it up in front of my face and says, “Hey! You’re old!”. Today a guy innocently reminded me that I’ve lived in New Zealand longer than he’s been alive, and, of course, I also had an even longer life in my native land before that. There are plenty of other everyday things that can remind me, too, of course, but overall, I’d rather be reminded of my age than not be here to be reminded.
One thing is certain: There will be more reminders for as long as I live. And I’m fine with that.
I wrote a detailed post about the HRV system when it was installed in 2020.
The guy who came today was different from the one who changed the filters the first two times, and it turned out that the operations in the Waikato were bought by a new company. Makes no difference to me obviously, and yet…
After he changed the filters, he checked the airflow from each of the five vents (they were all good, of course), then he sat down to fill out the paperwork, and said, “I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but do I hear an American accent?” He didn’t offer why he thought it might be rude, though legend has it that Canadians get tired of being assumed to be from their southern neighbour, which is ironic because these days it’d probably be best if people thought I came from north of that same border.
I said to him, “yes, that's where i came from originally.” He asked whereabouts, and I said, “Chicago”, which is literally the place I moved to New Zealand from, however, that reminded me that whenever my parents took me on holiday—whoops: “vacation”—and someone asked where we were from, she always answered, “near Chicago” (it was really about an hour’s drive from where we lived, but she knew no one in another state or country would know of the town we actually lived in).
The guy then reasonably asked, “how long have you been here?” I said, “30 years,” and he said, “Oh!” and paused no more than a split second before adding, “As long as I’ve been born.” I probably smiled a wry smile, knowing that I’ve actually been living here for closer to 31 years than 30.
That wasn’t the first time my age has been driven home for me, and it’s usually been inadvertent, except when it wasn’t. When I turned 60, Nigel had great fun saying to me, “Fuck you’re old!” Well, that and “I can’t believe I’m going to be married to a SIXTY year old!” I was so looking forward to being able to return the favour when he turned 60, but I never got the chance: He was 55 when he died.
The real truth is, I don’t actually care about how old I am, though sometimes I like to pretend I’m offended when someone mentions my age. Mainly, I’m on team “getting older beats the alternative”. However, I also know that the disconnect between my actual age and how old my brain thinks I am is widening, and I’ve read that’s quite common for people as they age. It certainly is for me, anyway.
I’m not sensitive about my age—it is what it is—but I’m definitely aware of it and of possible future issues. That’s why I started walking every day (except for sick days) for more than a year and a half, and why I started researching more things I can do that may help keep me in reasonably good condition as I get ever-closer to a true “elderly” age.
At the same time, I’m also keenly aware that getting older is a gift not everyone receives, and that’s particularly true this month: Next week is Nigel’s birthday, the seventh he never got to experience, just like the seven of my own birthdays he also never got to experience—or tease me about.
These are things I’m always aware of to some extent or other, but it’s usually front of mind only when something raises it up in front of my face and says, “Hey! You’re old!”. Today a guy innocently reminded me that I’ve lived in New Zealand longer than he’s been alive, and, of course, I also had an even longer life in my native land before that. There are plenty of other everyday things that can remind me, too, of course, but overall, I’d rather be reminded of my age than not be here to be reminded.
One thing is certain: There will be more reminders for as long as I live. And I’m fine with that.
I wrote a detailed post about the HRV system when it was installed in 2020.
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