Tuesday, November 02, 2021

Twenty-six years later

26 years ago today, I arrived in New Zealand to begin my life with Nigel. Because of that, this was the date that we always saw as our anniversary, even after we gained a lot more anniversaries to celebrate. Now? I’m not sure it means more than any other significant day to remember, and I already have plenty of them.

This year, I didn’t spend any time thinking about the day in relation to my time in New Zealand by itself. I didn’t even make any sort of special post about that part on my personal Facebook, something I did most years. But even when I made those posts, I would mention Nigel, since he was the reason there was anything to celebrate. Today, I just shared a photo of our family at our house eight years ago today, when we held the party to celebrate that we were legally married.

I chose to post that on my personal Facebook today because this is two days after what as an emotional day remembering the eighth anniversary of our marriage. I don’t know why I felt so emotional this year; maybe it’s because of the never-ending Lockdown, maybe it’s because Nigel’s been gone two years now, or maybe it’s all that or even something else. I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that it was even possible that I could’ve forgotten about today altogether—as highly improbable as that was.

The original reason to celebrate this particular anniversary is now gone, and my own personal reason—that it marks the start of my life in New Zealand—doesn’t yet have any meaning for me that I can adequately describe or explain, and that’s because my life in general lacks such meaning. I guess a low-key day was probably inevitable for me this year.

Maybe in future years, after I figure out things (including my life…), this day will have a new meaning for me. But right now? Still? It’s the anniversary that Nigel and I always took as our important one, and that still overshadows everything else. And right now, I’m perfectly okay with that.

Happy main anniversary, sweetheart.

Twenty-five years later (2020)
Twenty four Years (2019)

Posts from happier years:

Twenty Three Years Together (2018)
Twenty Two Years Together (2017)
Twenty One Years Together (2016)
Twenty Years Together (2015)
Surreal 19th Expataversary (2014)
Eighteen (2013)
The day that really mattered (2012)
Sweet sixteen (2011)
Fifteen (2010)
Fourteen (2009)
Lucky 13: Expataversary and more (2008)
Twelfth Anniversary (2007)
Eleven Years an Expat (2006)


Ex, but not ex- – A 2006 post about being an expat
Changing policies and lives – A 2011 post about becoming a permanent resident
12 years a citizen – A 2014 post about becoming a NZ citizen


Roger Owen Green said...

the obvious, I suppose: anniversaries, when tied to loss, can be tough. and how the 27th, or 30th will feel is unknowable.

Arthur Schenck said...

I've learned that anniversaries are always fraught for people dealing with profound grief. It turns out that I'm very lucky in how relatively unaffected I am. Maybe it's from having so many anniversaries to start out with?