Friday, June 08, 2007

The world rejoices

I woke up this morning to the glorious news that Paris Hilton has been freed from jail after three long days due to undisclosed “medical reasons”. Anonymous sources report that Hilton required emergency treatment for a chipped fingernail.

As news spread, spontaneous celebrations began throughout the world. Like everyone else, I was relieved to finally have something important to focus on.

I mean, the news that the US prevented the G8 from setting climate deadlines is obviously just fluff, deserving no more than the five seconds before the TV news goes to commercial. And the new milestone of 3500 dead Americans in
Iraq? Please! That goes right after a story about a dog on a skateboard or a pet fish that waves at its owner while humming God Bless America.

When is the news media going to get it? When are they going to understand that we only want real news? We want a PHN (Paris Hilton News), not that stupid CNN! We don’t need their statistics or information about the criminals in the Bush Administration—we want Paris Hilton! We want Lindsay Lohan! We want exposés comparing celebrity mugshots, we want to know about spectacular meltdowns and celebrities who suddenly shave their heads. We want to know about Bradjolina!

Well, until the media understands that they have a role to play in helping us to keep away from all the unpleasantness in the world, at least we can be glad that this one time they got it right. They finally had a sense of perspective about what’s the most important story in the world.


d said...

How about another story about how "W" thinks stem cell research encourages women to get abortions and/or deliberately destroy embryos? Embryos that would end up as medical waste anyway?

How many days?!?

Jason in DC said...

Now you leave poor Paris alone.

She has to be under house arrest (in her very small I think 23,000 square foot house) for like another month.

You know this is the best thing that could have happened. Al Sharpton is on his way out to protest in front of her house.

There are going to be a whole host of investigations into this. This from the Washington Post:

At least three members of the five-member county Board of Supervisers challenged the early release. One, Yvonne Burke, called for an investigation. Another, Mike Antonovich, called it "a mockery of due process."

"You're dealing with a spoiled brat, acting out to get her way instead of serving her time as was adjudicated by the courts," he said.

I'm hopeful that is the last gasp for this miserable excuse for a human being.

Jason in DC said...

And one more thing you think Paris should get only one network. She should get at least two and Spanish channel too.

Anonymous said...

Well I am actually glad Paris got out! I thought the sentence was too harsh and house arrest has become very common. I love the stores about Paris, and I was glued to the TV over the whole Anna Nicole thing:) I can't be the only one!