My mother would be 108

Today (US time) is my mother’s 108th birthday, something I always remember—on both days: US time and NZ time. This year is no different.

For several years, I published her birthday blog post when it was her birthday in my timezone, but five years ago I switched to publishing when it was her birthday in the timezone she was born in. I did that because I’d become a widower just three months earlier, and I was still processing it, so I had unusually hazy-thinking. Since then, I’ve still always thought about writing a post for the day before her “true” birthday—when the date arrives here, because of those same timezones. I usually only remember which day to use when I look up the previous year’s post to see what I’d said that year. Then, the schedule is reset, and I repeat it the following year. I suppose that’s one method…

Last year I said:

The reality is that I think about the birthdays of everyone I know when the date arrives here, which is a day early for friends in Europe or the USA. Actually, Facebook does the same thing, reminding me of someone’s birthday when the date arrives here, in my timezone, and not on the date it arrives where the person lives. This situation is confusing under the best of circumstances, but add in my lack of focus and general forgetfulness, and it means that I miss more birthdays than I remember.

That’s still true, of course—and still annoying. I don’t mean to miss the birthday of anyone I know, but that shifting of dates means it’s inevitable I will. Oh, well.

There’s one thing that can help: If I put the birthday on my personal calendar shared on all my devices, and then set the timezone to where the person is, the alert I get will be on their birthday in their timezone. Doing that can be a lot of work, though.

Of course, in my mother’s time, there were no “personal computers”, no electronic calendars on cellphones (or any cellphones, for that matter), and social media didn’t emerge until a couple decades after she died. Everything that challenges me about remembering birthdays is connected to things she never experienced, and never could experience.

The entire arc of my life over the past 44 years is something she also didn’t get to see. She wasn’t here to help me celebrate wins and achievements, nor to help me handle loss. I adapted to that reality long before I moved to New Zealand, but the fact that I did made it easier for me to try to embrace the good moments as much as I was able to at the time—and I succeeded more often than not. That could even be seen as part of her legacy to me.

So much has changed over the past 44 years since she died, and even in the time since I began this blog. But everything I am today is built on the foundation she and my father created for me, and I think about that often, especially on their birthdays.

Sure, I may have trouble remembering her birthday on the correct day (because there are technically two “correct” dates), but the larger point is that I DO remember. And, really, thinking about my mother two days in a row isn’t exactly a bad thing.

Happy Birthday, Mom, and thanks. Always.

Previous birthday posts:
My mother would be 107 (2023)
My mother would be 106 (2022)
My mother would be 105 (2021)
Remembering my mother’s birthday in 2020 (2020)
Remembering my mother’s birthday in a new life (2019)
Still remembering my mother’s birthday (2018)
Remembering my mother’s birthday (2017)
My mom would be 100 (2016)
Mom at 99 (2015)
Remembering my mother (2014)
Mom’s birthday (2013)
Mom’s treasure (2012)
Remembering birthdays (2011)
That time of year (2009)
Memories and words (2008)

Related:
Tears of a clown – A 2009 post that’s still one of my favourites about my mother.