Monday, September 20, 2021

The second horrible anniversary

By date, today is the second horrible anniversary of my Nigel’s death, but dates on a calendar don’t really matter: Nigel’s been gone two years, and my life was utterly ripped apart when he died.

In the time since then, I’ve tried to figure out how to rebuild my life, and while I’m a long way from achieving that, I continue to make progress. My goal is to make sure that that the thing Nigel said over and over in his last days comes true: That I’m okay. Most days and in most ways, I am okay, and I’ve worked pretty hard to get here. I had to: I owed it to both of us.

I miss Nigel like crazy every single day, and there’s still literally nothing I wouldn’t do to get our life together restored. What I’ve learned over this second year without him, though, is that all of that can be true and I can still be okay. The secret is that our love for each other gave me the strength and determination I needed to take this journey.

I guess you could say that after two years on that journey I’m okay and slowly getting “okayier” all the time.

But I absolutely do miss Nigel as much as I ever have. AND I’m okay.


Roger Owen Green said...

My condolences.
I may leave it at that because there are too many grief cliches that make me gag.

Arthur Schenck said...

There are also a lot of griever cliches, it turns out. I try to avoid repeating them, but there are only so many different and unique ways to say a thing. I don't care what people say, really, but I think it's important to say what they can, especially when someone is newly bereaved. Heck, even a Facebook "Reaction" helps!