Another loss for the family

This past week, on Waitangi Day, we lost Nigel’s sister Carolyn after a battle with cancer. She was an immensely kind and loving person, always ready to help folks in the family—and she gave the BEST hugs! Nigel felt a special bond with Carolyn, and she sometimes turned to him for advice, so really they were there for each other. Naturally, she was also always there for me after Nigel died. Of course.

I drove over to visit her the week before she died, and that was a really good day: She was in good spirits, relatively comfortable, though she’d lost a lot of weight and was clearly weakened by her health battle. It was a lovely afternoon with her. We just chatted about nothing and everything, joked, laughed—all the things we’d always done. When I left that evening, I knew I might not see her again, though I didn’t think we’d lose her only a week later. I’m so very glad that I went to see her and that our last time together was so awesome.

The photo of us above is from January 2010, and we’re sitting on the deck of the bach (holiday home) they had at the time. I went there with one of my other sisters-in-law and my mother-in-law to stay with Carolyn for a few days (I don’t remember why Nigel didn’t go, though he might’ve had a work function or something). I had a great time! Her family asked for photos of Carolyn, and when I went through mine I was struck by how in so many of them she and the family were laughing or engaged in some sort of hijinx—that, and karaoke singing. This photo, though, is the only one I found of just us two, which makes it special to me.

As I’ve said many times, I am so lucky to have married into this large loving family, and everyone will help each other through this loss. I have a long-standing policy of not referring to people, especially family members, by name on social media. So, I’ll just say my heart goes out to her husband, my brother-in-law, because I know what this loss feels like. I also send my love to their son and daughter, their own spouses, and their children. I hope they all feel the warmth of this large loving family, even when we’re not in the same room, because that will help them all a lot. I know what that feels like, too.