Four years turning a key

Four years ago today, I unlocked the front door of my house for the first time as the owner. That was sixteen weeks to the very day after Nigel died, and that, along with pretty much everything I’ve done since that horrible 2019 day, was made possible by the help and support of family and friends. That’s something I can never forget—nor should I.

In the time since this house became mine, life has been a non-stop rollercoaster: A bit more than two months later (and a few days more than six months after Nigel died), New Zealand went under its first Covid Lockdown, and there were several more after that, with varying degrees of strictness. I lost Sunny, then Jake, and that was against the backdrop of me still trying to come to terms with the loss of Nigel. Last year, we were hit with three major storms, pretty much literally washing away our summer. I’ve waged war with weeds, I fought fatigue, and I battled to make sense of what was and is the nonsensical reality of my unexpected solo life.

Also in this house, took on and successfully completed many projects, I entertained friends and family, and I enjoyed TV, music, reading, and also playing games on my iPad. Leo and I played The Chase Game, or just cuddled, and he’s repeatedly demonstrated his huge talent for looking cute.

Through all of that, the good and the bad, this house provided me and the furbabies with shelter and safety and security. I always knew that when the world made the least sense to me, when I needed a safe harbour the most, this house was it.

Which is not to say it’s perfect: If it was, I wouldn’t have made or contemplated so many changes to it. However, nearly all of the things that I may dislike about this house are things I dislike because I didn’t come into the picture until after the house was built, so I didn’t get to make choices that I’d like better. Still, there’s pretty much nothing I can’t change, should I want to do it and decide the cost is justified.

I still don’t know what my life will be like in the years ahead: I have no plan nor any idea about what may be possible. I don’t know where I want to live long term, and right now, this is as good a place as any. Future me will figure it out eventually. Maybe. Probably.

For the time being—or forever, who knows?—I’ll continue to enjoy what’s good about this house, and to plan things I want to do to make it better for me and Leo. As I begin my fifth year here, I have a list of projects and also the necessary strengthened resolve to get them done. Right now, that’s enough. And so is this house.

The photo above is from my 2020 post about this, “Rehoming myself”. I published it a couple days after I got the keys, so that post has some more of the story than I shared on my Facebook at the time. I used the same photo again in a post last year.