Seven years since a very important day

Today’s Facebook “Memory” (screenshot above) is of a very significant day in my life—literally. Seven years ago today, I got a cardiac stent that saved my life, and the reason that it happened is Nigel, something I talked about in more detail on this anniversary in 2021. However, important as the events of seven years ago were, I didn’t talk about that anniversary on this blog for several years. In fact, I didn’t start talking about it until after Nigel died. I think I had a specific need to do that.

I first commemorated the events of April 17, 2016 back in 2020, and that was, I think, because I’d become acutely aware of life, death, and the sometimes movable invisible boundary between them. In 2020, I was trying to make sense of what everything meant in my new reality, one in which nothing made any sense.

The whole of the past seven years were sometimes extremely difficult, with plenty of challenges, many of which seemed insurmountable at the time. Nigel helped me get through the first three years after the stent, something that I know was often hard on him, with my repeated hospitalisations and inability to live a normal life for much of those years. Since then, It’s been up to me to deal with every single health challenge and worry, and while sometimes I manage that pretty well, it’s been its own struggle.

I think that the fact I’ve survived the past four years isn’t because I’m “brave” or “strong” or any of the other words people like to use for people like me. Instead, the secret is really that I’m bloody stubborn—a trait, it turns out, that can sometimes be a good thing. It also helps that my brain, while it may intensely fixate on things sometimes, never stays focused on health worries for long. Thise two things—along with support from family and friends and, of course, a bit of luck—is how I’ve made it to the August 17 anniversaries four through seven. My blog posts over the past four years, then, have actually been about the process figuring out survival in the vastly altered reality I found myself in.

There’s one thing more, though: I use that brain fixation to latch on to good things, and it doesn’t matter what. It might be a get-together with others, a nice meal I made myself, or, maybe especially, playing with Leo. Basically, I look for the moments that are good, the things that make me smile, and the things that don’t involve any thoughts about life, death, survival, or healthcare. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, negative thoughts and worries can and do pop up unexpectedly, even in the middle of good times, but, fortunately, I know they’ll pass.

Over the past four years, I’ve come to (slowly) understand how consequential the events of seven years ago were, but even more so how important Nigel was in getting me to that point. Since then, I’ve been learning how to do all that for myself, an ongoing project. Little wonder I started blogging about the this particular anniversary: It helps me work things out. That’s a pretty good reason, really.

Previous posts on this anniversary:

Tentative progress – 2022
Days of focus on living – 2021
Adventure reflection – 2020
The day I could have died, but didn’t – A 2017 post about the day that led to the stent
We all make plans – My 2016 post on getting the stent