Memory reminders and personal peace

Memories are powerful things, sometimes lifting us up, maybe tearing us down, or even just helping us stay grounded in and connected to our own lives. So anything that deliberately serves our memories to us has the potential to trigger all sorts of different responses. Technology makes that more likely than ever.

Many mornings I have an alert on my iPad, telling about some photo I’d taken on that date, and they can be about literally anything, even a product I took a photo of to help me find it the next time I went to the shops. Similarly, Facebook’s “Memories” feature tells me each day what I posted on that date over the years. In the past few years in particular, those Facebook “Memory” things have often been a topic for me, and also an opportunity to reflect. Like now.

Yesterday, Facebook book showed me my post from December 16, 2017 when Nigel and I went to see the movie, “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” in Pukekohe, south of where we were living. On the same date in 2015, Facebook also showed me, we saw “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”, back when were still living in Auckland’s North Shore. I’m pretty sure that 2017 was the last last time we ever went to a see a major release movie together, but I know for certain that it was definitely the only movie we ever saw in Pukekohe.

In 2019, the third movie in the third "Star Wars" trilogy, “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker”, opened a little later in December than the first two—and two months after Nigel died. To this day I’ve still never seen that movie. When it opened, I was in no state to be able to even think of going to see the movie, especially because I’d never gone to a cinema by myself, and doing so in 2019, and only two months after Nigel died, would’ve been completely impossible for me. I rationalised it to myself with the fact I was too busy getting ready to shift to Hamilton, which was true—but that was really a sort of cover story I told myself. I simply didn’t feel strong enough.

I’ve still never gone to the movies alone, but I’ve thought about it in the past couple years, probably for the first time ever. Nowadays, though, the reason I don’t go by myself is simply that the amount of effort and cost required dampens down any mild interest I may have had in seeing a film (plus, ya know, Covid…). Besides, as Nigel would’ve pointed out, I’ve never been into going to see movies as much as he was.

Facebook “Memories”—like the two about the movies—never bother or upset me, though I know such things about a lost loved one can be very triggering for some people. Me, well, these Memories do remind me of what I’ve lost, sure, but I definitely don’t need any help with that. Instead, they let me remember good times, and they give me a chance to remember details I might not have thought about very often.

For me, then, these FB “Memories” let me expand and enrich whatever the presented memory is. In a sense, this makes the memories better and fuller. They do one more thing: They help me sort of check my progress on my journey.

I wish every person mourning a profound loss could feel the same positive things about something as simple as a FB “Memory”, but mostly I hope they find their own place of peace. It definitely ain’t easy, it takes hard work, and it may take a long time, but it’s definitely possible for memories to trigger smiles (and deeper memories), and not just tears. And honestly, that’s the best thing ever when that starts to happen.

For me, then, those technologically-created reminders of memories really do help me stay grounded in and connected to my own life, and whether the reminder brings me smiles or frowns, laughter or tears, being grounded in and connected to my own life is always a good thing. I’ve certainly earned that feeling.

Yep, memories are powerful things.