Sunday, January 24, 2021

Twelve years later

Twelve years ago today Nigel and I had our civil union ceremony. That meant we were legally joined in the only way available to us back in 2009, though we were married in 2013. But that day in 2009 was the first time we had a proper legal status, so it matters.

Most of the previous paragraph is taken from my post on this anniversary from back in 2019, the tenth anniversary of our civil union. The first sentence was the only one I updated for this post. I couldn’t even do that last year.

In my defence, on January 24 last year I’d only just moved into my new house and didn’t had full Internet yet, so posting much of anything on this blog was difficult, and, anyway, I was busy trying to get the basics unpacked and the house in some semblance of order. But I also don’t seem to have mentioned it on on my personal Facebook, either—and I apparently didn’t in 2019, either.

So: Here I am. It’s 12 years since that hot summer day when the life that Nigel and I had spent 13 years building was finally legally recognised. Here’s how I summarised when I shared the FB “Memory” (above) on my personal Facebook today:
Twelve years ago today, Nigel and I finally had legal recognition of our relationship, more than 13 years after it began. A little less than five years later, we were able to legally marry, and we did. We had the civil union ceremony at a big family event at our house on January 24, 2009—an incredibly hot day. Then we pivoted and it became a 50th birthday party for me because Nigel didn’t want to be the centre of attention. When we were married in 2013, it was a simple ceremony at the registry office, and then another big family party at our house a couple days later.

I think about all of that together when I think of any one part, because they were all linked. I’m so lucky that I was able to meet my true soulmate, and to marry him. No matter what the future holds, I’ll always have that.
What I didn’t know at the time I wrote that was that I’d said something in a similar vein in 2018, on the ninth anniversary of our civil union:
Everything we do in life is connected to everything else, one way or another, and our civil union was the ceremony, our later marriage the finalisation of what happened nine years ago today. And that’s why I remember it every year.
I only found that out when I was checking posts on this from previous years (and also found out I didn’t do one last year). Which goes to show, I suppose, that this blog has value for me in helping me to remember things, especially things I otherwise wouldn’t.

Technically, this anniversary no longer matters, not the least because we were married a few years after the civil union. However, it’s also clear that it’s true that “everything we do in life is connected to everything else, one way or another,” and this day 12 years ago was an important part of our “everything else”.

This anniversary was also the final event it what I called my “Season of Anniversaries”, something that also doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Yet some of the anniversaries within that “season” were especially important for me personally: The day I first arrived in New Zealand as a tourist, the day I arrived in New Zealand to live, and, of course, my birthday. However, all three, except for my birthday, were also directly connected to Nigel—actually, in a way, even my birthday was, too.

Connected as all those “everythings” are, I can’t really work out how they conenct to me in my new reality. Maybe that’s why I didn’t mention it last year. But I’m mentioning it again this year, so maybe they’ll continue to matter in the future? I have absolutely no idea. But this year I remembered, and I shared that fact. I take that at face value, and I’ll wait to see if this becomes clearer to me next year.

In 2019, I concluded with: “So, Happy anniversary to us! Once again.” I’ll go with that this year, too.


2009: Perfect Day – where it began
2010: One and Fifteen
2011: Second Anniversary, squared
2012: Three years ago today
2013: Fourth Anniversary
2014: An anniversary
2015: Anniversaries
2016: A seventh Anniversary
2017: Eight years later
2018: Nine years later
2019: Ten years later
There was no post in 2020.


Roger Owen Green said...

The blog as a memory aid.
I'll probably link to this post on May 2.

Arthur Schenck said...

I don't keep a journal, so the record the blog contains is invaluable!