Gobsmacked

One of the new words I learned when I arrived in New Zealand was “gobsmacked”. It means being utterly astounded, completely surprised. I think it's of British origin, but wherever it comes from, it's not something I ever encountered in Middle America.

But that's the way it is when you move far away, and especially to a new country: You learn new words and phrases, encounter new traditions and ideas, new ways of doing things and new attitudes. Sometimes that can be pretty bewildering, but for me it's been all good.

So I was gobsmacked to watch the news tonight and learn of an American expat living in Christchurch who's set up a website to, well, trash New Zealand. Okay, that's not actually their stated goal, but it's the end result. Contributors call New Zealanders uncouth, racist, bigoted—the litany of complaints goes on and on.

What's the deal? How can my experience be completely the opposite of theirs? There are a number of explanations.

First, Christchurch. It has a lot of unflattering nicknames, the “whitest city in New Zealand”, the “most English city” (by which they mean stuffy, uptight and, well, racist). Like all stereotypes, there's an element of truth: Christchurch has long had a problem with racist skinheads, for example. But it's also a city in which the central electorate is represented by an MP who's a gay man and an English immigrant.

Next, there's cultural misunderstanding. The humour in this part of the world is far more direct than Americans are accustomed to—in fact, many Americans find it bitchy and become easily insulted. It's easy to assume that this humour reveals a darker attitude that it simply doesn't.

There's also the possibility of lack of preparation, such as research, and many of the contributors to that site admit this. But it's equally possible that some of them simply were never cut out to be immigrants in the first place—not here, possibly not anywhere. There's no shame in that, but a little more careful research might have helped prevent their obvious unhappiness.

I cannot stress strongly enough that my experience is nothing like these people have apparently had. But that doesn't mean that I don't see problems. There certainly is prejudice based on race or ethnicity, especially against Asians, Maori and Pacific Islanders. But in my experience even this isn't commonplace. I come from a land where racism is rife. I know it when I see it, and I've simply never seen true racism in New Zealand.

In the end, I think that it comes down to the “space” someone is in: When one is unhappy, possibly bitter or angry, too, it's not easy to see the world in anything but a negative way: Negativity tends to breed more of the same. Believe me, I know about that, too.

My advice to anyone contemplating becoming an expat is: Be real, do hard research, and look for reasons not to emigrate. If your desire survives all that, you may be on to something. And remember that if you find expat sites filled with people who are overly positive or overly negative, that site is unlikely to give you a realistic view of your chosen home. On that one thing, I do agree with that negative site: Let the buyer beware. If you are, you're more likely to make the right choice and you'll leave no one gobsmacked—including yourself.