Unlocking doors

Six years ago today, on Friday, January 10, 2020, I became the owner of my house and unlocked the front door for the first time. It was sixteen weeks to the very day after Nigel died. At the time, I was largely still operating on autopilot, but I was keenly aware of having “widow’s brain”, so I relied on family to help me through the whole move, especially my brother-in-law. I’ve mentioned in the past that he went to meetings with me, including in Auckland, and that was because I knew I couldn’t be sure I’d fully grasp what I was told (because of the “widow’s brain”, something I never existed until it happened to me).

In the years since that day in 2020, much has changed, including the house (right now I’m in the early stages of reinventing my house). However, much hasn’t changed, including things that I feel “should” have changed. But I can’t change the past—and it’s obvious how much I desperately wish I could. Still, every day is a new opportunity to change what we want to change, and that fact continues as long as we do.

So today’s anniversary is one of a few scattered throughout the year that make me feel several things all once: Grateful, reflective, hopeful—and also keenly aware of what hasn’t gone well, and especially why my life is now what it is.

There’s that old saying that you need to know where you come from (literally and figuratively) to know where you’re going. It’s true. It’s anniversaries like this one that remind me of how true that is.

The photo up top is what I shared in the linked 2020 blog post, and on my personal Facebook. That blog post also has a second photo I shared.