Unwrapping my future

Four years ago this week, on February 10, 2020, I posted the photo above on social media. At the time, I was in the midst of unpacking kitchen stuff, and at one point, the photo was typical of what I saw nearly every day.

That day, I never shared that photo, or my thoughts about it, here on the blog. Instead, I posted it to my personal Facebook and on my Instagram, I said in the caption:

Of such is my life right now: A seemingly endless number of boxes, often packed illogically, most containing so much paper that I’d hate to think how many hectares of forest were cleared to make it all. I empty them, put away what I’ll keep, and the rest together to later donate/sell/give away. It’s a slow but thorough process. The empty boxes are going to a good home, and the paper will be recycled, and soon I’ll reach the point where I have more completed boxes stuffed with used paper than ones filled with stuff—and paper. Onward! 🤣

Four years ago? I eventually emptied the packed boxes, then repacked some. I did give away or sell some stuff, but I have a lot more usable stuff to get rid of. For the stuff that wasn’t useable (mostly broken stuff that couldn’t be fixed), I recycled what I could and put the rest in my household rubbish. I actually got rid of far more stuff than anyone realises—including me.

The moving company came and collected empty boxes twice, first in August 2020, and the second time was in November 2021, after I emptied out the boxes of used paper. Both times were delayed by Covid lockdowns.

Much of the best used paper went to other folks who were shifting, I recycled some of it, and I used some as packing for stuff I sold online. I still have a stack, though, and this autumn I’m removing the deteriorated weed mat on the bank along the side of my property, and I’ll spread the paper as part of a new degradable weed mat to help me transform that bank it into (mostly) lawn, a project I’ll talk about at that time.

Everything pretty much stalled between October 2021 and early 2023, but I’m back at it now. What I’ve realised over the past couple years is that it’s not just all the stuff I knew I needed to get rid of, I now know how much of the stuff that I never planned to get rid of also has to go—like the bowls, platters, and dishes Nigel and I used when we had lots of family around for dinners. I just don’t need that much everyday stuff anymore—and, actually, I now realise that Nigel and I didn’t need all of it, either.

I definitely haven’t finished settling into this house yet, but for the first time in four years, I feel that’s actually possible and achievable. I feel more settled and at peace than I have in years—probably since Nigel and I shifted out of our house on Auckland’s North Shore in 2017, but definitely for the first time since Nigel died. I think I may actually be closing in on what I said I wanted to reach: Contentment. Now, I want to see where this goes.

My journey has reached a point where I need to remove stuff keeping me tethered to my old life, because that’s gone and never coming back. Better someone else gets to use stuff that no longer helps me, and in the unlikely event my life one day puts me in place where I need things like I’m sending away, I can replace them. I doubt that will ever happen, but even if it does, at least the burden and weight of stuff will be gone in the meantime.

At the time I posted the photo, several people at first thought it was fish and chips. At that point, still hadn’t had any at my house, but I eventually did when family came round. To this day, I’ve still never gone to the takeaway shop by myself.

It turns out, there’s still a lot for me to unwrap—just not as much physical stuff these days.