The annual increasing number: 63

Yet again, my birthday has rolled around. I knew I’d be tired on the day because of my echocardiogram, so I didn’t really want to do much. I planned to cook one of my speciality dishes because my mother-in-law requested it (which was as good a reason as any). My brother-in-law suggested we order takeaways, like pizza, and in the end, we did both. It was a nice, quiet evening.

Everyone had left by around ten, and I sat down to watch a little TV before bed, but first I wrote something on my personal Facebook that pretty much sums where I was at this year:

I had a really nice birthday—and thanks to everyone who sent me wishes, or who will in USA time (no judgement! Time zones screw me up all the time, especially for FB birthday notifications). The heart scan wasn’t bad (though the early start left me tired). Last year I went to the dental hygienist on my birthday (coincidentally, I see the actual dentist on Monday).

This birthday may not seem significant, but it is to me: Today I hit 63: The age my parents were when they died, and that’s been on my mind for four decades. My goal is to make it to 64 so I’ll have lived longer than they did—though I hasten to add I don’t want to stop there! The point is, this particular birthday—and next year’s—matter to me a LOT. It’s hard to go through this without Nigel at my side—in fact, it tears me at the seams. But maybe I’m even more determined since he isn’t here?

I got to spend the evening with family, and that matters more to me than I can ever put into words. Nigel would be so happy about the way I spent my birthday (even the scan): If he couldn’t be here for me and with me, family was. That matters. A lot.

I was also thinking a lot today about gratitude. All joking about the scan aside, I was happy to still be here to get it. I was glad to get the phone calls, the text and Facebook messages, and the company this evening. I was thinking, too, about all the folks on Facebook I have real friendships with (in addition to those I’m related to, obvs).

All my friends from high school—if I’d known what awesome people you’d become, I would’ve gone out of my way to hang out back then! The friends I made in Chicago—you matter more to me than I can tell you. My friends through blogging, and podcasting, and Pride 48—how lucky am I to have been in the right place at the right time?! I also add to that list the people I met through—gasp!—politics. And then there are the folks with whom I had personal relationships (it’s not my place to name them, though they can name themselves if they want—I have no secrets). And all the others I became friends with—well, however it happened. My point is that I treasure everyone I’ve been connected to over the years, and even more the people to whom I’m still connected.

So, it was a good birthday, and this year I’ve been particularly reflective. I expect to be next year, too. Thanks to you all for helping to make my birthday—and my life—special.

In many ways, I’m in a different head space than I was last year, and I think that’s mostly a good thing. I still miss Nigel every bit as much as always, but I’m slowly learning to live my life, though I also want to try to experience life for both of us, a theme that’ll keep popping up in this blog over the course of this year, I think.

Tonight I went out for dinner with family to celebrate my niece’s birthday. It was a really nice time. And that, technically, was the close of my birthday celebrations for another year—even though tonight wasn’t my celebration, of course.

My annual birthday selfie is below. When I posted it to Instagram, I said:

Annual birthday selfie. Sure, here it’s the day after my birthday, but it’s still my birthday where I was born, so I feel it still counts. Truth is, I was so busy yesterday that I ran out of time! I guess that’s a good thing? 🤷🏻‍♂️ 🎂

I think that this isn’t the first year I took the selfie on January 22—but it was still January 21 at my birthplace. After all this activity, though, I’m a little too tired to double check. But I did find time to comment on the Facebook version of the photo:

I took this with my new phone using the “Portrait” setting, something my old phone couldn’t do. My old phone also couldn’t take such great, clear photos (on the back camera, let alone the front one), so it was actually, um, kinder to an ageing face!

That’s actually true, even though I was joking (sometimes the best humour comes from truth). What all of the things I shared on social media over the past couple days underscores is how different this birthday was for me than last year’s was. That’s a very good thing. NIgel’s no longer here to give me a birthday present, but maybe this year I basically did that for myself. Maybe.

The Illinois Route 63 sign is a public domain graphic available from Wikimedia Commons. However, Illinois 63 was de-designated (or whatever the word is) in 1972 (Wikipedia has more information on the now-defunct route, but the relevance to me is that part of what had been Illinois 63 is a street in the town I lived in from age 10 to 23-ish, That means that I definitely drove on it quite a lot (after age 16…), but I had no idea it had once been a state route. Still, when it was actually still a state route I could only have travelled on it as a passenger, because in 1973 I was only 14.

My Previous Birthday posts:

2021: The annual increasing number: 62
2020: The annual number increase happened
2019: Another 'Big Birthday'
2018: The annual increasing number: 59
2017: The annual increasing number: 58
2016: The annual increasing number: 57
2015: The annual increasing number: 56
2014: The annual increasing number: 55
2013: The annual increasing number: 54
2012: The annual increasing number
2011: The annual increasing number
2010: The annual increasing number
2009: Happy Birthday to Me…
2008: Another Birthday