The team organised a service that reflected Nigel’s professional life perfectly. They put together a video of various photos, and some of the work ones I’d never seen. I also provided some photos from his younger days, as well as several of him with furbabies, and ones of me and him. They also had some videos of him, including of him joking around. It was all moving, and very well done.
People said some very kind things about him, such as, what he meant to them as part of Customer Services, as a manager, and as a friend and colleague. Some of those stories I’d also never heard.
Toward the end, I got up and spoke. I’d like to recount specifically what I said, but I didn’t prepare remarks in advance, so I have no record of what I said. I wanted to make two main points. First, I wanted to personally thank Nigel’s work colleagues on behalf of the family and me for the kind words they sent, and for keeping Nigel in their thoughts during his illness. I told them that I read many of their messages to Nigel when he became too weak to hold his phone. I also wanted them to know how much Nigel genuinely loved working with them, and how he was passionate about customer service, and how proud he was of them all.
That’s the gist of what I said. Like I said, I don’t know specifically what it was. For what it’s worth, I’m told I spoke well. I’d like to think so, anyway. Mainly, I was relieved that I said what I wanted to say, and especially that I didn’t cry (I quickly changed tack when I felt myself choking up). I wanted to do that for Nigel: The day was all about him, not me, and not the family, so I didn’t want to become a distraction from that—even though, obviously, no one would have held it against me if I had cried. I did that later, at home. As I do every day.
After the service, we visited with people and I hugged many of Nigel’s team members and comforted some. I did that at the hospital, too, but this was the first time I’ve done that since Nigel died. I’ve found that right now I do best when I have something to do, especially something that matters to others.
They also provided a box for koha (donations) to the Anxiety New Zealand Trust, because Nigel had asked for donations to it. I went to the Give A Little page this evening to get the web address to include in this post, and found that they’d collected $300 for the Trust. That’s wonderful news!
In many ways, it was a much sadder even than Nigel’s funeral was, in part, I think, because many of us were still numb from the shock of Nigel’s death. Yesterday was also our final public event saying goodbye to Nigel, which may have been part of it.
Even so, it was also far easier in some respects. The room was filled to overflowing, just like the funeral, and also like it there were many people I’ve known for decades, in addition to some people I’d never met before. It was nice to see people Nigel had talked to me about (proudly, I might add), and also to hear so many stories of how much Nigel meant to them. I found that very, very comforting.
So, despite the reason for us all being there, and how incredibly sad it was, it was also a beautiful event filled with love, laughter, sadness, respect, and positive feelings and thoughts. Nigel would have hated being the centre of attention, but he also would have been so proud of the great job his colleagues did—and humbled by the enormous outpouring for him.
For me, sad though it was, even painful in parts, it was also extremely uplifting. I know how much Nigel loved his work (minus the occasional frustrations like we all have), but it was wonderful to see how much his workmates loved him back.
It was a unique farewell, and much appreciated by all of us, all of us who are a wide extended family thanks to Nigel.
The family would still appreciate donations to the Anxiety New Zealand Trust, which helped Nigel so much, but none of us would ever expect it of anyone. The site collects donations in New Zealand Dollars, so if you're overseas you'll need to convert the amount from your currency to NZ dollars before you enter it.
Originally published on my personal Facebook Page on October 10.
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