A is for Australasia

I live in Australasia. Some of you will have misread that, others will know it, and still others won’t know what it means. We’re used to all those reactions. But, for starters, it’s home.

Australasia is a sub-region of Oceania, a specific region in the South Pacific. The name “Australasia” is derived from the Latin for “south of Asia”, which it is, of course.

Time was, Australasia included New Zealand, Australia and the island of New Guinea. However, as the term became used quite commonly, it came to mean only New Zealand and Australia, and that’s what most people mean when they use the phrase today.

The similarities between the names Australia and Australasia are obvious, and it’s probably the main reason that New Zealanders don't use the name all that much (we tend to say the somewhat more clunky “New Zealand and Australia”). It may also be why Australians like the name—or maybe it’s just convenient for them?

In New Zealand, we’ve noticed that Australians particularly like to use the name “Australasian” when they want to claim a bit of the credit for a successful New Zealander. Many years ago, a book named Sir Edmund Hillary, the conqueror of Mt Everest—and arguably the most famous New Zealander ever—as an “Australasian” mountaineer. More recently, they claimed Kiwi singer Lorde, too. We’re quite happy to let Australians have Russell Crowe, though (that’s a Kiwi joke, by the way).

Truthfully, we laugh at all such things, like the time back in 2010 when Australian news media referred to the New Zealand team in the FIFA World Cup as “Australasia”. However, it was a BIT weird when they referred to the two countries combined in the 2012 Summer Olympics as “Aus Zealand”. I’m still puzzled by that one.

We’re used to this mostly-friendly rivalry with Australia. After all, for years they’ve been claiming to have invented the pavlova, when it's clearly a New Zealand invention. These days, the rivalry is over the “flat white”, a type of coffee. It was recently introduced into the US mass market by Starbuck’s, but not without controversy, as the site Quartz pointed out.

The irony with the flat white is that it really is an Australasian invention. The Australians named the drink in the 1980s (probably in Sydney), and it was perfected and standardised in Wellington.

Which goes to show, I suppose, that that if you use a name like “Australasian” often enough, sooner or later it’ll be accurate.

Just don’t try to claim Sir Ed: He’s all ours.

The map up top of this post shows regions of Oceania, including Australasia. It is a public domain image available from Wikimedia Commons.

Click the badge above to visit other bloggers taking part in ABC Wednesday—there are a lot of interesting and very diverse blog posts!

A better example of change

Yesterday, I saw on the US news that for the first time ever, Tiffany featured a gay male couple in an ad, and this was said to be a sign of changing times. A far better example of change, and more useful to help that change, is an ad for Lynx Hair, “Less effort, more style” (above). This ad is an example of the future.

The Tiffany print ad (at the bottom of this post) is important in the sense that it includes a gay couple (a real couple, by the way). Around 70% of Americans now live in states with marriage equality, so why not feature an ad catering to folks who can now marry?

Tiffany is a “luxury brand” (meaning, expensive) and it’s likely that this ad will appear in publications that cater for consumers of high-end products. Put another way, the ad, good thing though it is, will be seen by a subset of all consumers, and quite possibly people who already support marriage equality.

The Lynx Hair ad, on the other hand, is aimed at mass consumers, though skewed to young men, obviously. And, yes, young men are for more likely to support marriage equality, and in far higher percentages, than older men. The mass market presence of the ad, however, will reach people who are not in the target market, and probably even those who may not be quite there yet in acceptance of the equality of LGBT people.

The reason, of course, is in a montage that suggests what a man using their product might experience: “Now can be amazing,” they us, then at 0:29 they say, “Kiss the hottest girl – or the hottest boy.” The images of the kisses, shown cinema noir-style, are clear and obvious—and it’s what makes it more important than the Tiffany ad.

We first saw the ad during the 6pm news last night, and neither of us saw that moment coming. The ad was repeated during a popular programme around an hour later. That means that a lot of people may have seen the ad, and the matter-of-fact treatment of a male/male kiss. “It’s no big deal,” the ad is clearly saying. Because it’s not.

The video above is the “extended edition”, which is longer than the version we saw on TV last night. But the added bits are in keeping with the shorter version. The use of humour to convey the ad message helps reinforce the “no big deal” aspect of the kiss, I think, precisely because in context it’s clearly NOT a big deal. It also disarms people and makes them pay more attention.

The long battle for the equality of LGBT people will finally end when heterosexuals no longer think of us odd, weird or, worse, disgusting. When they see us as just another part of life, we’ll all be able to move on. The Tiffany ad is a part of that process, but ads like the one for Lynx Hair do more, I think, to reach average people, and to make being gay just seem like another thing. That’s why I think it matters more.

But I do like both.

The times we live in

Today I received an email from the US Consulate in Auckland. I’ve received dozens over the years, usually about consular visits to the NZ hinterlands to register births, process passports, that sort of thing. Sometimes, like today’s, they’re a little more serious.

Today’s email was headlined, “Security Message for U.S. Citizens: Worldwide Caution”, and it was probably the same message sent to US citizens throughout the world (outside the USA, of course). It said:

On January 10, 2015, the Department of State updated the Worldwide Caution to provide information on the continuing threat of terrorist actions and violence against U.S. citizens and interests throughout the world. Recent terrorist attacks, whether by those affiliated with terrorist entities, copycats, or individual perpetrators, serve as a reminder that U.S. citizens need to maintain a high level of vigilance and take appropriate steps to increase their security awareness.

You can view the latest Worldwide Caution, either at: http://travel.state.gov/content/travel/english.html, or http://newzealand.usembassy.gov, the Embassy website.

We strongly recommend that U.S. citizens traveling to or residing in New Zealand enroll in the Department of State's Smart Traveler Enrollment Program (STEP) at https://step.state.gov/step. STEP enrollment gives you the latest security updates, and makes it easier for the U.S. embassy or nearest U.S. consulate to contact you in an emergency.

I think it’s a sad statement on the times we live in, with dangers that I just can’t see improving, let alone ending, any time soon. However, I need to once again re-state that I never feel unsafe in New Zealand. I’ve never bothered to enrol in the STEP programme, either, for that very reason. However, that feeling of safety may change in the future if New Zealand sends troops to Syria/Iraq, but right now, I feel perfectly safe.

Even so, we US citizens, even in safe countries, are told we “need to maintain a high level of vigilance and take appropriate steps to increase… security awareness,” which is probably prudent. But it’s still very sad.

Holiday’s end

Today marks the end of our summer holiday as we both resume more normal schedules. It’s been a good and relaxing time, but now it’s time to get back into the swing of things.

We watched movies, ate out a bit, got together with friends and family, and we may even have had the occasional nap. The furbabies were part of a lot of that, so today I’m planning on staying with them all day to ease their transition back to normal life. The errands can wait until tomorrow.

Being on holiday also meant a more relaxed blogging time. Most (though not all) of my posts during this time, especially since Christmas, have been what I consider “lighter”, that is, pretty much staying away from heavier, darker or maybe more contentious subjects. That, too, is ending, and yesterday’s post was actually the beginning of my return to more normal blogging.

Which is not say that it will now be “all gloom, all the time”; that’s just not me or my blogging style. However, it’s time to get back to work, and the posts will be what they will be.

Just as soon as I get myself out of “holiday mode”…

All the little things

“I am 45 years old,” Panti Bliss begins, “and I have never once unselfconsciously held hands with a lover in public.” That sets the tone for Panti’s TEDx Dublin talk (video above) in which she describes “All The Little Things” that prove homophobia is alive and well—and incredibly pervasive.

I know exactly what Panti means because I, ten years older, have also never held a partner’s hand in public without instantly becoming acutely aware of everyone and everything around me: Will someone attack us? What are the escape routes if they do? Is there any help nearby? That happened every single time, which is why those times have been so rare.

I’ve had people—sympathetic people, mind you—tell me without any intentional irony that they “don’t like public displays of affection of any kind, gay or straight.” I’m sure those people really believe that they feel that way, but they’re deluding or lying to themselves. I say that because all straight people notice gay people who are affectionate in public, and nearly all of them—religious or not, and from all over the political spectrum—don’t like it, even when it’s merely a chaste kiss on the cheek or simply holding hands.

Sure, most heterosexuals don’t say or do anything to express their disapproval, but we LGBT people are quite adept at reading mood—we have to be in order to avoid danger. We can always—always—tell when people disapprove, even when they don’t say a word.

That’s our reality: Always being aware of our surroundings, always being on the lookout for danger, always on guard. There’s nothing straight people can do to fix this, apart from stopping being so uptight

But things are changing, of course. Younger straight people don’t carry the same hang-ups as their parents or grandparents. They have LGBT friends and cannot understand why anyone would think it was okay to treat their gay friends badly. They are the future.

However, even young straight people enjoy the same heterosexual privilege that their elders have: They never have to worry about getting disapproving stares merely for holding hands with their opposite-gender partner. They know that no one will bat an eye at them if they mention their opposite gender partner as their boyfriend or girlfriend, or as their husband or wife. They don’t have to contend with some bitter, twisted religionist constantly telling them they’re going to “hell” for falling in love with someone of the opposite gender, or desperately trying to pass laws to ban that love or prevent them from being full and equal citizens. No one will ever beat them or kill them solely because they love someone of the opposite gender.

I’m well aware that opposite gender couples can face other issues, such as, if they’re of different races or cultures, for example. But in such cases there are other issues at play than mere sexuality.

I wonder sometimes if it really is getting better for young LGBT people, despite having far more supportive friends and age-peers than existed in my day. A year ago, almost exactly, actually, Nigel and I stopped in our local mall’s The Warehouse, just looking around. We were in the men’s clothing section and as we walked through, I saw out of the corner of my eye, two young guys in the underwear aisle, which was perpendicular to us. I’d noticed that one, with his back to us, was holding up a pair on a hanger, and the other one was also looking at it. The lads were in their late teens/early 20s, maybe—I didn't really notice them well enough to be able to say.

That’s all I’d noticed, though, since we were walking past the aisle. Nigel then said to me, “they were holding hands.” I felt all warm and fuzzy at the thought of young love, and how nice it was that they felt free to hold hands in public.

We reached the end of the section and, since it was just a quick visit, we headed out of the store going back the way we’d come. I decided to pay more attention when we passed the two lads, and something distracted us right near where they were, which gave me a chance to actually look. “They’ve stopped holding hands,” I said to Nigel, who hadn’t looked.

I was really sad that they felt we were in any way intimidating, that maybe they felt uncomfortable. They abruptly left the area. “We should find what aisle they’re in and smooch in front of them,” I said to Nigel, as if that would somehow repair things. We didn’t do that, of course, but continued on out of the store.

I don’t know if those lads stopped holding hands because we were right there, or if they were about to, anyway, since they were heading to a different part of the store. But it seemed probable that it was because of us. Where I’d felt happy that they felt free to hold hands as any opposite-gender couple their age would, too, I then felt sad that they felt they needed to stop, and terrible at the thought that it could have been because of us.

I know some straight people will be able to identify with that feeling of sadness at having made a gay couple feel they had to hide their affection. But unlike straight people, I also keenly know what those lads may have felt.

Panti’s TEDx talk is similar to her earlier viral hit, A Noble Call, because it also explains what homophobia is like from a gay person’s perspective. We’re all tired of the right wing deciding it’s a good idea to make shit up about us. We’re tired of being lectured to and preached at and caricatured as nothing but walking sex acts. The lies have got to stop.

We need straight allies to stand up to homophobia, even the mild kind—perhaps their own?—when folks claim not to like “any” public displays of affection. But far more than that, we need to be free to hold hands with the person we love most in the world without the risk of violent attack for doing so.

And smile: A smile makes up for a lot of frowns and disapproving glowers.

Related: Writing on Huffington Post, Kevin Thornton expresses some similar attitudes.

British (etc.) sweets

There are times, frankly, when I’ve got nothing. I usually find something to blog about, but sometimes, well, not everything goes to plan. Like today. Then, the Internet delivers.

The video above is the latest Anglophenia video in which Siobhan talks about British sweets. Not at all surprisingly, many of the candy items she profiles are common in New Zealand—and many of them are thoroughly disgusting.

Chief among them is “Flake”, which, as far as I’m concerned, is the single most disgusting “chocolate” confection ever devised by the human mind. It’s like a sadistic torturer said, “I’ll tempt you with chocolate, only it won’t be real chocolate, it’ll be Flake—THAT will make you confess!!” Truly vile. Trust me, you’d denounce your god just to get away from the stuff.

What I thought was interesting, though, was her highlighting Blackjack gum. My father loved Blackjack gum.

Love them or loathe them—or, simply never heard of them—sweets are one way of understanding a culture. There are worse ways to learn…

ABC Wednesday (again)

Back in 2012, I took part in ABC Wednesday, a project in which bloggers around the world post about a topic beginning with a letter of the alphabet, starting with A and going through to Z, one letter per week. These may be regular blog posts, a photo, a poem, etc.—whatever the person wants, as long as it starts with the letter for that week.

I dropped out in August 2012 because when it got to the letter D, I was too busy to post. No harm in that—there’s no penalty for skipping a week, and I skipped one week earlier in the year, in the previous round, for the same reason. But the following week in August I was still too busy, and the week after that, and, well, I just never returned. I hadn’t planned on stopping, I just did.

Be that as it may, and at the subtle urging of Roger Green, I’m going to participate again starting in the next round, Round 16. I have some topics already picked out and—gasp!—I plan on pre-writing at least some of them (finally following Roger’s example).

This round, I’m planning to focus on—well, you’ll just have to wait. But I do encourage anyone who’s interested in doing so to take part. It’s just meant as a bit of fun, and the guidelines are easy to follow. Give it a go!

This time of year (still)

At the end of December, I wrote about how difficult it is to get things done this time of year. I was talking specifically about the time between the Christmas and New Year’s holidays, but it turns out there’s been unexpected weirdness this week, too.

Last month, I said:

… finding a food place that’s open is kind of hit and miss. Yesterday I picked up some lunch at one of our local bakeries, and on the way home I noticed that the other local bakery was closed and so was the nearby sushi shop, both of which are normally open on Saturdays. Several local takeaway shops close until after New Year’s, and one local café always used to close until the second week of January (they’ve since cut that back a bit).

On New Year’s Day evening, Nigel and I decided to get some takeaways for dinner for us and his mother, who was staying with us. However, everything was shut. We finally found a (mostly) Malaysian takeaways place that was open.

The photo above is the first photo of the year of Jake and Sunny as they and I waited in the car. I hadn’t intended on publishing it, or I would’ve taken a better one of Sunny, who was in the back seat.

The next day, all the places I mentioned last month were closed, as was the then-open bakery I mentioned. They remained closed over the weekend, but on Monday the local sushi shop was open (and the nearby takeaways opened again yesterday)—but none of the bakeries were. And when I say “none”, I mean NONE that we saw anywhere, from New Year's Day onward, until yesterday when we were in Albany and happened to see one open.

Bakeries are small shops that make things like bread, meat pies, filled rolls/sandwiches, cookies—those sorts of things. Nearly all of them are owned by Asians, usually Chinese people, and every single one was closed (apart from the one in Albany). I can’t remember this happening before, though it could be that I simply don’t remember.

Now, obviously, the fact that all the bakeries in our area have shut down for the week is weird, maybe a little inconvenient, but it’s absolutely not the end of the world. It was unexpected, however, and a little disappointing because since we’re on summer holiday, we don’t really want to cook and be brought back to real life. Not quite yet.

When one goes away on holiday, it’s not surprising that things are different than at home. Maybe it’s just as well when things are different for a holiday at home. Maybe it makes us appreciate both normality and the holiday just a little bit more.

But, a steak and cheese pie would have been nice…

In praise of Star Wars ‘Machete Order’

As part of our summer holiday, Nigel and I re-watched the Star Wars movies, but in Machete Order. I thoroughly enjoyed watching them in that order, making the story arc much better than what George Lucas intended. In fact, I highly recommend it.

Fair warning: Spoilers ahead (in the unlikely event you haven’t yet seen the Star Wars movies).

Machete Order was devised by Rod Hilton who wrote a VERY long post about it on his blog, Absolutely No Machete Juggling. He gave it its name “on the off chance that this catches on because I'm a vain asshole.” Well, I know nothing about him, but his viewing order is perfect.

I should start first by saying that when the original Star Wars came out (now called Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope), I was 18 and it was a very important film to me. To this day I can remember the opening sequence and when the Imperial Cruiser flies overhead and fills the screen, I was dumbfounded. I saw the film in the cinema many, many times.

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strike Back was good—maybe not as good for my tastes, but still good. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi was, for me as many others, by far the weakest of the original trilogy.

And then we come to Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Let’s just pretend it never happened. Star Wars Episode II: The Clone War was much better (not hard to do, to be honest), and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith was okay, too. Sort of. But I absolutely loathed Episode I, and still do.

Traditionally, most people would watch the films in release order, but I think that the original trilogy seems like a complete set, and the first three seem kind of out of place, as if slightly out of phase. Other people watch the films in episode order, but that has the unfortunate problem of beginning with Episode I.

Machete Order fixes all this by ordering the films this way: IV, V, II, III and VI—eliminating Episode 1 altogether. Hilton says:

Episode I is a failure on every possible level. The acting, writing, directing, and special effects are all atrocious, and the movie is just plain boring. Luckily, George Lucas has done everyone a favor by making the content of Episode I completely irrelevant to the rest of the series. Seriously, think about it for a minute. Name as many things as you can that happen in Episode I and actually help flesh out the story in any subsequent episode…

But Machete Order does so much more than merely remove Episode 1: It also puts the story emphasis back where it always should have been—on Luke—by providing clear motivation for Darth Vader's being seduced by the Dark Side of the Force, his similarities with Luke, and it creates proper tension as to whether Luke will be seduced by the Dark Side, too—something entirely missing in the original Episode VI. In fact, this single benefit from watching the films in Machete Order makes Episode VI a much better movie than it had been.

In fact, the entire film series is more coherent, logical, and is so much more satisfying in Machete Order than in either release order or episode order. In addtion, most (but not all…) of the things that annoyed me in the various films are fixed by viewing in Machete Order.

There are so many good points that Hilton makes in his post—ones I completely agree with!—that I think anyone interested in the films should read the entire thing. Most of all, though, I strongly recommend Machete Order to anyone who thought Star Wars could have been better, and especially to anyone who’s never seen all the films. It's so, SO much better in Machete Order.

Go, watch. And may the Force be with you.

Tip o’ the Hat to my husband Nigel who suggested we do this and who shared Rod Hilton's post with me.

Looking for good news

When I’ve talked before about good news, it’s often been about the finding good news part of a negative story, or even good news that doesn’t get reported. Today I thought I’d see what would happen if I Googled “good news” and the result is above.

To be honest, I thought the top hits would be Christian sites, so I was kind of pleased when they weren’t. On the other hand, Google knows what I tend to search for, so my experience is perhaps not indicative.

Still, I had a look at the four top hits, and here they are:

Good News Network: The site was founded in 1997 by Geri Weis-Corbley as “an antidote to the barrage of negativity experienced in the mainstream media”. Many of the values expressed on the “About Us” page are fairly progressive (in the non-political sense) because it's focused on optimism. They urge people to take in negative news, too, because it’s important to be informed citizens.

Good News – Huffington Post: People seem to love or hate Huffington Post—or sometimes it’s “and”. Still, they’re a big site, though chiefly a “news aggregator”. That means they bring together things posted to sites all over the web. As such, it can be a good “one-stop-shop” for a quick fix of good news.

Sunny Skyz: The “About” page says “Sunny Skyz was launched in January of 2012 in order to promote positive stories and upbeat media.” Unlike Good News Network, Sunny Skyz’s founder, Christopher Filippou, doesn’t follow mainstream news: “If you ask me, I think you're crazy for listening to that garbage.” Not everything I saw on my visit was necessarily “good news” in the way that I mean the term, but some readers might find the items inspiring in some way.

Daily Good – News That Inspires: This is a volunteer-run site that began in 1998 when a student began sending daily inspirational quotes to six of his university classmates. Daily and weekly newsletters are still a main feature. As the subtitle suggests, the emphasis is on things that inspire, which isn’t a bad thing, just not, strictly speaking, a “good news” site. In that sense, it’s a bit like Sunny Skyz, but without dismissing mainstream news.

Those are just the first four sites that popped up when I Googled “good news”. Others may get different results, and mine might be different at another time. Such is the way with Internet searches. I’m also neither endorsing nor dismissing these sites—I’m merely listing them and what I thought when I visited them

However, I have a caution: Good news sites (these or others) can sometimes be a good antidote on those days where the news is filled with awful things, but they are NOT a substitute for mainstream news. I agree with Geri Weis-Corbley about the importance of being an informed citizen, so it concerns me that Christopher Filippou thinks that mainstream news is “garbage”.

An informed citizen is no use to anyone, though, if they're too discouraged to act, so that’s where good news sites—particularly those that specialise in inspiration—can be the most useful. From time to time we all need to hear something positive, or we need our faith in humanity restored, or maybe we just need a little encouragement to do something in our lives, like lose weight or even just get better organised. I’ve long turned to such sites for those sorts of things, but I never made the connection with “good news” before.

Finding the good aspect of an otherwise negative news story also carries a caution: We can end up spinning it as surely as those who focus only on the bad aspects, and, indeed, as politicians always spin news that doesn’t reflect favourably on them or their party by highlighting only the positive aspects.

We also don’t want to become Pollyanaish, ignoring sometimes harsh and painful aspects of real life in favour of news that only makes us feel good. We need the bitter with the sweet, I think, in order to be able to appreciate them both, yes, but also to be truly alive—present in the moment.

So, that’s a little of what I found when I went looking for “good news”, and what I thought of it all. The main lesson is that good news is always out there and it’s not hard to find. We just need to be wise enough to use it as an antidote to and inspiration for real life, and not as a replacement.

Mario Cuomo

Mario Cuomo, former Governor of New York and once a giant in the Democratic Party, died Thursday, January 1 (US time). In 1984, Cuomo gave the Keynote Address at the Democratic National Convention (excerpt above), and I thought it was one of the most powerful speeches I’d ever heard.

In 1984, my transition from Republican to Democrat was pretty much complete, but there were still some residual feelings of loss and mourning—I’d been a Republican all my life up until 1980, after all. The powerful words of Cuomo, defending traditional Democratic Party values and liberalism itself inspired me and made me feel happy to me in my new partisan home.

In the decades since, there have been Democratic politicians who greatly disappointed me, politicians who seemed to be running away from traditional Party values. Others—especially in recent years—have embraced those values and liberalism itself. Few have been as passionate as Cuomo had been.

I knew very little about Cuomo as governor (I think that most Americans are pretty ignorant most of the time about what goes on in other states), so I think that Roger Green’s recollections as a resident of New York provide a good perspective. However, I did know that he was a staunch opponent of the death penalty, and at a time when that was definitely not popular.

For the same reason that I didn’t know much about Cuomo as governor, it would’ve been the 1990s before I heard about the 1977 New York City mayoral campaign between Cuomo and Ed Koch. In particular, I heard about posters that started popping up urging, “Vote for Cuomo, not the homo”. Koch always blamed Cuomo and his son Andrew (now New York Governor, who was working on his father’s campaign at the time). Both Cuomos denied any involvement and, indeed, it seems rather inconsistent with Cuomo’s politics to engage in that sort of thing. In 2009, Mario Cuomo told the New York Times: "If anything, I thought it was done by someone who wanted to see me lose. I never did anything like that and it was a wrong thing to do, whoever did it; it was ugly and unfair.” Koch won the election.

Mario Cuomo also gave the speech nominating Bill Clinton at the 1992 Democratic National Convention (CSPAN has the video; they also have the full version of his 1984 speech). Taken together, the two convention speeches pretty much sum up why Democrats like me respected him and his words so much (his 1984 speech also presents many of the reasons I was such a fervent opponent of Ronald Reagan).

Clinton apparently wanted to nominate Cuomo to the US Supreme Court, which Cuomo declined. I think he would have been an outstanding Justice on the court—possibly one of the best ever (we’ll never know). However, as things turned out, it may be just as well: President Obama would now have to appoint a successor that might possibly get past the very rightwing new US Senate, and, assuming he eventually could find such a nominee, that person would be more conservative than any of the so-called liberals currently on the court, probably more conservative than Kennedy, even. Since we have NO idea how Cuomo would have been as a Justice, I have no trouble focusing only on the practical—the extreme difficulty in replacing him with a liberal.

To be honest, I’ve missed Cuomo’s passionate defence of liberalism and Democratic Party values for a very long time. After 1992, he began to fade from the national scene. Only President Obama has been as passionate in defending those values as Cuomo once was, but his time on the political stage will be over a little over two years from now. Who will take the lead then?

I hope we’ll see the likes of someone like Mario Cuomo again. American democracy desperately needs such a voice.

AmeriNZ Blog 2014 in pictures

I was curious what a year of blogging would look like as images alone. So, I made this slide show with most of the images I posted to AmeriNZ Blog in 2014, in rough chronological order. It’s nothing fancy—I used a standard iMovie template—but I think it’s interesting to see what I talked about.

Obviously 2014 was a year of politics, furbabies and life in New Zealand, shown through photos of politicians, public events, created graphics, Internet memes, and the odd selfie. However, there aren’t all that many photos of me, so I don’t know if this qualifies as “self indulgent” or not. I’m thinking at 10:13 it very well may.

On the other hand, if an image is worth a thousand words, then there quite were a few words published, too, especially since not all posts had images.

This was just a bit of fun while I’m on holiday, but it also helped refresh my memory on how to edit actual videos—you know, just in case…

The background music is called "Perspectives" and is a royalty-free track by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) and licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0.

Quizzical

As part of last year’s “Ask Arthur” series, Roger Green asked me about Facebook quizzes I take part in. Well, in the early hours of 2015 (NZ time), I saw several quizzes posted to Facebook. I answered several, but this one I thought was funny.

The actual quiz was, “What Is Your 2014 Anthem?” and mine was, "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift. Okay, then. At the end of the quiz, it said:

You know 2014 was a good year, especially since you gave the haters a lot to "hate-hate-hate-hate-hate"! Just play this song whenever the world tries to test you and you'll feel just fine! Don't worry though, jealousy is a form of flattery so take it as a compliment. Whether it's because of the relationships you hold in your life or your entry in or out of one, as long as you keep your emotions in check and keep following your heart happiness will always be right around the corner for you. That's something you can't shake!

Okay, seriously now, WTF? I'm not even sure what that poorly punctuated word salad means (not for the first time—most such quizzes end simlarly). Still, I do like to think that I give the haters a lot to "hate-hate-hate-hate-hate". That’d be nice.

But these quizzes are still silly.

Welcome, 2015!

I think that of all the public holidays, New Year’s Day is my favourite. It always seems so full of promise, a whole empty year stretching out ahead, ready and waiting to be filled with adventure, happy memories and love. And no doubt some bad stuff, too. Like any year.

New Year’s Day also provides a sort of clean slate, a good excuse and opportunity to do things better, and to be better, than in the old year. Sure, we can do that at any moment, but the clean break of New Year’s Day, moving from one year to the next, is a great symbolic time to make such changes.

Some people make New Year’s Resolutions, but I never do. I’ve always thought of them as creating and opportunity for failure, and the bad feelings that come from that, if we don’t lose that weight, stop smoking, or fail to change whatever else we don’t like about ourselves.

Instead, I often set goals at New Year’s, and usually about things that don’t matter (like for this blog, which I’ve done several years). That way, if I don’t achieve the goal, it’s no big deal, and certainly not a failure, especially because I sometimes change my mind about a goal during the year. The point for me is to focus on the future, and things I want to do, not on the past or things about myself that I want to “fix”. It’s probably just semantics, but it works for me, which is the whole point.

The really great thing about New Year’s, though, is that I get another one in only three weeks! I’ve often thought of my birthday as a sort of Personal New Year, with yet another opportunity to re-boot and start fresh.

So, here we are in 2015. I can’t wait to see where this road goes.

A friend shared this screenshot on social media. Ironically, HLN isn't broadcast in New Zealand.

New Year’s Eve 2014

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m the only one in the house that’s still up. That’s not unusual, actually, and I don’t mind in the least: I have a tradition—a need, really—to see in the New Year, no matter what. Some years I’m by myself, other years I’m not, but it’s the fact I’M here that matters to me for this event.

Tradition means a lot to me, especially when it’s MY traditions we’re talking about. Still, I have some childhood memories of the night. Like, for example, what I wrote back in 2012:

I have no traditions for New Years. I do remember, however, that my mother used to have us take a lit candle to every corner of the house. It was a Pennsylvania Dutch (German) tradition, she said. Nowadays, I think that it was a remarkably unusual thing for a preacher's wife to do. No wonder I'M so unusual...

One other thing from my childhood I don’t seem to have mentioned before: When I was a little boy, we lived right next door to the church where my dad was the pastor. I can remember that on New Year’s Eve, my dad brought me with him to the church just before midnight. We made our way to the church organ, and right at midnight, he let me flick the switch that made the bell ring. I suppose he counted to 12, but I know he told me when to switch it off. I felt honoured and excited to take part in that, but I also felt really special that my dad let me do that.

All these years later, and whether spent alone or with mobs of people, nothing has surpassed going to the church with my dad, who let me ring the bell to signal the New Year.

Happy New Year to you all, and I hope that you have—or will make—memories that are every bit as indelible.

This is my 365th post for this year: My annual average has been achieved, and I can now relax—indeed, so can you all, secure in the knowledge that if I now die before making another post, my goal for 2014 has been achieved. (yes, I know one shouldn’t joke about such things, but, as I said a couple years ago, I AM unusual…)

AAA-14 Answer 8 – Last ones this year

This is the last “Ask Arthur” answer for this year. The final question comes from my friend Jason (and 2014 marked 45 years of us being friends…). I think it’s a great way to end this year’s series!

So, Jason asks:

What thing from the U.S. do you still miss after all these years? Also, if you had to leave New Zealand and come back to the U.S., what would you most miss? This could be a food or a store or the way things are done, like the way an election is run, or buying house—something like that.

The funny thing is that I’m often asked what I miss and, well, that’s not the funny thing, it’s that my answer often changes. Mostly, though, it’s food, though not exclusively: It takes a distant back seat to the people who are not here.

One thing I think most people know (or have worked out) is my favourite food on this planet is American-style pizza. That doesn’t exist in New Zealand, so I spend time looking for something that’s good—while not being precisely what I want. Which is NOT to say that NZ pizza is bad—it isn’t—just that it’s not American style. And I can eat a LOT of pizza, so this is a kind of big deal, or would be, if I didn’t find pizza I like.

A lot of the other things I miss are food related, especially (of course?) fast food. But a lot of the grocery products I once missed are now available in New Zealand, either in our grocery stores or from the American products store. We also have several US fast food chains, of course, but nothing like the local places I enjoyed in Chicago (I miss Polish Sausages!).

I also miss things that are nowhere near the same: Marshall Field’s is gone, as are so many of the places I enjoyed. Two of the apartments I lived in are now gut-rehab condos, not necessarily well done, either. Such things are inevitable with having been gone so long.

But the larger truth is that I’ve built a life here that in many ways has replaced what I left behind. Over all those years, I found substitutes, got the same thing here or otherwise moved on. It happens, again, after so long.

Which actually gets to the second part of the question. There are a great many things I’d miss if I had to move to the USA. I would indeed miss the way elections are done and the way houses are bought and sold, and even grocery stores (ours have far more real food than US grocery stores, and far fewer ready-to-microwave meals).

But if I’m brutally honest—and why stop now?—I’d miss the open, honest, far less prejudiced and secular society I now live in. That’s not something one can shop for in stores, or come up with an acceptable substitute for. Though I’d certainly try my best.

The truth is, I don’t know that I could even survive in the US now, because so much has changed—the country, me, every person and place I knew. The good news, though, is that I’m okay with that. It took me years to get to this space, but it’s where I’m at, and I kinda like it.

That’s it for this year! Thanks to everyone who asked questions—Jacquie, Roger, and Jason. I’ll probably do this again next year, but anyone can ask questions at any time: Simply leave a question as a comment to any post or email me. I’m always open to questions!

Thanks again—see you next year?

Looks like I’ll make it

Barring disaster—personal, natural, or global—it looks like I will make my goal of an annual average of one post per day. Thank you all for your patience as I fought to meet my goal, and special thanks to my Facebook friends for enduring the barrage of Networked Blogs autoposts.

Thanks for your patience!

My marathon effort to meet that goal by posting a LOT this month was possible at all only because I had a big month in May, thanks to my series of posts for New Zealand Music Month, making May the month with the second-highest number of posts since I began this blog. Of course, this month’s blogging marathon would never have been necessary if I’d blogged more during the year.

Earlier this month, I talked about this goal, and the deadline today, and I said “for a number of reasons, I’ve really struggled to publish posts this year…” but I didn’t name any of those reasons. Well, now I will.

First, there was the standard: Lack of time. When I get busy, I have to cut things, and the first to go is podcasting (and my podcast has suffered far more than this blog has), and then I cut out blogging, too. I’ve never been able to get as disciplined and organised as Roger Green, who prepares posts in advance, so when I get busy, I have nothing to fall back on.

All that aside, there was one HUGE reason I didn’t blog as much this year: The New Zealand Election. June, July, August and September were the most active months of the campaign, and they were also among my least productive for blogging. I talked a bit about that at the end of September:

For all of April onwards, I was involved in this year’s failed Labour campaign. During that time, I mostly avoided saying what I really thought about a great many political things because I didn’t want to say anything that ran counter to the campaign narrative or that undermined it. Sure, I was also very busy during that time, too, but the main reason for my withdrawal from commentary on political issues was self-censorship.

There was one more factor that led me to pull back: The Labour Party slogan, “Vote Positive”. I noticed that every time a Labour supporter criticised the National Party or John Key—however mildly it might be—some Tory inevitably responded with “So! Where’s your ‘Vote Positive’ NOW, hm?!” and I frankly got sick of it. The fact is, National Party activists wanted exactly what they got—Labour supports not criticising National or Key—because they didn’t want their many negatives to be highlighted.

It was only after the election that I realised I’d fallen for a Tory campaign tactic by refraining from criticism. I wish I’d remembered that there’s actually a difference between honest criticism and mindless partisan attack. Moreover, such criticism doesn't have to be negative, and it’s not automatically negative merely because it’s criticism.

For example, in one post I mentioned how rude and boorish National’s Jonathan Coleman was in candidate meetings. There were plenty of other things he did that merely reinforced how awful he was acting, and yet I never mentioned them because of my self-censorship. I could also have criticised National Party spokespeople and their spin, but I never did.

Instead, I talked about Labour policy in the hope that would somehow show by comparison how bad National was. Trouble is, nobody but political hacks actually read party policies, so not contrasting them with National was a dumb idea. Live and learn.

So, my lack of posts this year was partly due to a lack of time, but also due to a big dose of self-censorship. Next year should be far more normal.

This month is on track, then, to save my annual average. It’s already the month with the most blog posts (so far). The most-blogged record used to be held by December 2009; December is a big month for me in most years, actually.

But the effort this month was also a lot of work: Every post on the blog this month (and nearly all posts in the entire blog, actually) was finished just before I clicked “Publish”. I sometimes start them days before I publish, but the form that appears on this blog is always finished just before it’s published.

I mention that only because, as I said in that post earlier this month, I feel like it could look like I was padding out posts to meet my average, but there was really a bit more work involved than mere padding. Well, mostly…

In any event, I’m almost certain to make my annual average. To me, that’s a very good thing.

There’s STILL always good news

Back in January, I wrote about good news, how it’s always there and usually ignored. I posted two videos that made that point. The video above from Canadian Astronaut Chris Hadfield is another example of good news we ignore.

The video talks about all the good things going on in the world, and, yes, it clearly promotes the work of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. So what? They’re trying to make the world a better place, and that’s really the point Hadfield is trying to make: DO something!

He world is a far better place than we humans like to admit. I talked about that back in January, and that led me to try An Experiment, publishing posts looking at unreported and under reported good news stories, along with the good news aspect of an otherwise negative story. I did that on Mondays (because it’s often a very depressing day by itself), and next month I plan to try the experiment again.

We all get dragged down by the tragedies we see in life—accidents, disease, armed conflict and war, social unrest—it can be overwhelming. Which is exactly why I think we need some good news, too, as a sort of antidote.

But I also think something Hank Green said in his “The Golden Gate Bridge Didn't Collapse!!” video I posted back in that January post is important. He said: “I’ve got nothing against caution, we should be cautious, but we should also not be pessimistic, because that’s just going hold us back.” He’s right, but there’s something more: Pessimism makes us give up, withdraw, opt out and tune out at a time the world needs us to engage.

I’m a big advocate of voting, that the main way, in my view, to make our societies more just, fair, and equal is to participate in the political process. But there’s so much more beyond mere politics, plenty of things for non-political (and even anti-political) people to choose from.

That was the main point in Chris Hadfield’s video. Everyone can do something to help—we just need to choose to be positive, because we have so much reason to be positive.

AAA-14 Answer 7 – Loss and memes

Today’s “Ask Arthur” answer will take on two un-related questions from Roger Green. The first is serious, the second one isn’t. I wanted to lighten things up a bit after a couple days of heavy topics.

This year’s series finishes tomorrow, with a late-arriving question.

Roger’s first question is:

Thinking of my friend Steve Bissette, whose father died in late October and his mother in the last couple days: who was the greatest personal loss you've experienced? From the receiving end, what are best, and worst, things one can say to one who is grieving?

I think my answer to the first part is probably obvious from previous posts: My parents. Although my mother was probably the bigger influence on my life, I don’t know that her death was necessarily a bigger loss than my dad's was, possibly because they died only about half a year apart.

I was home from university at Thanksgiving. My mother was in the hospital, having just been diagnosed with cancer. My dad wasn’t coping well—he wasn’t eating right or taking care of himself, and he died suddenly one night soon after I got home—in the early hours of Thanksgiving morning. I’m the one who found him, and had to figure out what to do. I was 20.

My mother left the hospital, continuing treatment as an outpatient for a while, but she declined steadily. Eventually, she became bedridden and slept almost all the time. I was her primary caregiver until she died. I was 21.

My father’s death was a huge shock, my mother’s was expected, but there’s one thing more than maybe only those who have been a caregiver for a loved one with a terminal illness can understand: Her death came as a relief. By that time, I was emotionally numb, so maybe I just didn’t feel it as keenly as I would have had she gone first, or years later. I don’t know, I can’t really imagine, and I won’t try: Those wounds have closed, but even now can be opened up again.

It was all so very long ago, and I was numb at the time of both funerals, but from what I can remember, the things that helped—or, at least, didn’t cause any harm—were the simple statements of support. I don’t just mean the “if you need anything, give me a call,” type of thing, but people offering specific help, or just being there for me, like at the wake, for example. Bringing food is good, too.

To me, saying things like, “I was so sorry to hear” or “I’m so sorry for your loss” are good things to say. So is asking how the mourner is doing, as long as it’s said with genuine concern.

However, again just for me, the absolute worst thing anyone can say to someone mourning a loss is, “it’s all part of god’s plan” or some such thing. Even back when my parents died, a time when I was still a Christian, I would’ve been sorely tempted to punch anyone who said that to me (I don’t think anyone did). It’s rude, condescending, incredibly annoying, and doesn’t help in any way whatsoever (apart, just maybe, from making their god seem like a bit of a jerk…). I never believed that sort of “plan” thing.

Nowadays, with the benefit of time and having left organised religion behind, I think saying anything religious to a person is a really bad idea unless both belong to the same congregation, but even then, it’s probably not a good idea. Atheists, agnostics, non-theists, and the non-religious of any kind could be annoyed by what we might see as someone intruding themselves and their beliefs into our mourning. Personally, since I don’t believe in an afterlife, it sounds a bit silly to me when people say, “you’ll be together again some day.”

The reason I say it can be risky to use religious language with someone we believe to be religious is that we can’t know where they’re at in the moment. It’s not uncommon for people to “lose their faith” after a major personal loss, or they may feel temporary anger toward their god. Accidentally riling them up is bad and serves no good purpose.

So, I think that people should begin using the human supportive language I mentioned first, then take their cue from the grieving person. If they speak in religious terms, then it’s safe to respond in kind. If they don’t, stick to the personal. What matters the very most at a time of loss, I think, is our connection to other people, and that’s true for the religious and non-religious alike. That’s what we should focus on, I think.

As an aside, but related to this general topic, a few months after my mother died, I began the coming out process. I thought to myself at the time that if any of my dad’s parishioners found out, they’d assume it was “because” I’d lost both my parents so close to each other, and with me still so young. To them, I thought, I’d have an “excuse”. It wasn’t long before I couldn’t possibly have cared less what they—or anyone else—thought about me. I think that the fact I even thought in those terms shows how fragile my emotions were for some months after my parents died.

Roger’s other question for today is completely unrelated:

If there is an Internet quiz on your Facebook feed, what kind of quizzes are you likely to participate in, if any? Do you play any games such as Candy Crush?

I tend to do quizzes that are about things that interest me—pop music, TV shows, science, grammar, etc. I also tend to do quizzes that flatter me, like, “Which totally awesome person from history are you?” (as far as I know, that’s not an actual quiz…). When I do one of those quizzes, I never share the results like they ask me to, but I sometimes mention the results in a comment for whoever shared the quiz on Facebook. I don’t mind the fun and social aspects of those quizzes, but I won’t bother anyone by sharing the quiz with friends on Facebook.

I used to play Candy Crush, but I disconnected it from Facebook (like all the games I’ll mention, I played it on my iPad more than online) because I got sick of it always harassing me to send lives and stuff to my Facebook friends, a list that I realised included folks who don’t actually play the game. I also got frustrated with it, so I rarely play it anymore.

I played some other King games—Farm Heroes Saga, Bubble Witch 2, for example—but never linked them with Facebook.

Games I play that are still linked to Facebook are: Solitaire Blitz (which I play with family members), Words With Friends (ditto), Bejewelled Blitz (I play against FB friends), and Bubble Blitz (none of my Facebook Friends play that game anymore). I recently linked Simpsons: Tapped Out to Facebook because doing so means I can get stuff faster.

All of those games are fairly mindless, apart from Words, which is probably why I like them. But the only games I link to Facebook are one I actually play against FB friends.

Big thanks to Roger for his questions! And be sure to check out Roger's blog.

Tomorrow is the final in this "Ask Arthur" series, in which I take on questions from a new questioner.

Remembering my mother

Today would have been my mother’s 98th birthday. Well, technically, it still is, since birthdays are anniversaries of birth, but when someone dies, we tend to speak of everything about them in the past tense. Or, maybe that’s just me.

I think of my mother every year at this time, and primarily because of the way she felt about her birthday. I talked about that back in 2008:

My mother always complained about having a birthday so close to Christmas. When she was a little girl, her relatives would say to her, “Instead of getting you two small presents, we’ll get you one big one.” She thought that was a fraud. “I knew that if my birthday was any other time of the year, I’d get TWO big presents,” she told me. Even as a kid, with no money of my own, I tried to make sure I got her two presents.

She was a tremendous influence on my life, as I talked about last year. And yet, it’s been so long since she died that I can go for a long time without ever thinking about her or my father, who died a few months before her.

Well, that always used to be the case.

As I get older, I find that that I think of them more often. Sometimes it’s when I speak and hear my dad, or maybe I suddenly remember a phrase my mother used. Often, it’s nothing in particular.

I suppose that some of this is could be part of a nostalgia I feel as I grow older. In recent years I’ve reconnected on Facebook with friends from high school and from my activist years in Chicago. So, it’d be natural to think of my parents, too.

But it is the way my mother felt about her birthday that is mainly what keeps the date in my mind. Adults can never know which of the things they say to children will become firmly planted, and long remembered, but, for me, this was one such thing my mother managed to lodge in my brain.

The photo with this post is of my mother, one of the last I ever took of her. I took it in late 1979 or early 1980, a few months before she died. She’d finished her radiation therapy and I’d taken her to the hairdresser so she would feel better about herself. This photo is a copy of an enlargement I had made after she died. I took the original with an Instamatic camera, and made the copy with a modern digital camera—bridging the decades, in a way.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Related:
Tears of a clown – one of my favourite posts about my mother

Previous years’ birthday posts:
Mom’s birthday (2013)
Mom’s treasure (2012)
Remembering birthdays (2011)
That time of year (2009)
Memories and words (2008)