Adaptation me

If there’s one word to describe what I’ve been going through since Nigel died nearly six years ago, it’s this: Adaptation. I’ve had to learn or re-learn how to do everything Nigel did for us, and I also had to relearn how to be a me, not half of a we. I’ve about all of that over the past few years, and it’s certainly an ongoing process. Recently, however, I realised there are some specific examples showing how all this has progressed, how I’m adapting to my reality.

The image at right is a screenshot of a Facebook “Memory” from 2021 (which I also mentioned here on the blog). It’s about how I regained ownership of the Internet domain Nigel got for our email, but that I accidentally lost in June 2021. It was the biggest personal setback I’d had since Nigel died, and it was hugely painful. Getting the domain back, and the email accounts up and running again, mattered so very much to me.

All of which resurfaced recently when the company that hosts the email service contacted me to say they were retiring the server I was using, and I’d need to upgrade. At the time, it was too much for me to deal with (something that has recurred frequently since Nigel’s death). More recently, I got notice that it was time to renew my service, and I was going to so that the first chance I got, but they rang me first.

I renewed my account for three years, partly because there are always discounts for making longer commitments for their services, and because that meant I wouldn’t have to deal with it for three years. I renewed and gave them the go ahead to migrate all my email to the new server. That was all finished within a couple hours.

When they were done, they sent me the settings for the new server, and I updated my settings on my desktop Mac, and also on my iPad and iPhone. However, the emails for that account have’t worked on either my tablet or phone since 2021 when I lost the former service. Now, however, the address work on all my devices. Nigel made sure they all worked, then they didn’t because he wasn’t there too look after our tech, and now it works again.

This week, I bought a new stick vac. The one I had been using was a Dyson that Nigel bought at least ten years ago from a retailer, paying roughly half price (from memory, it was an an old model—V2?—and the retailer was getting rid of old models). It was really useful at the last house because it had stairs and the stick vac was much easier to use to vacuum them than the canister vacuum was.

After I moved here, the powerhead attachment for the canister vacuum broke in a spot that wasn’t repairable. So, I had to use the non-motorised floor attachment, or the Dyson, which is what I was using—right up until it wouldn’t hold a charge anymore. Dyson does sell replacement batteries, though they don’t make it easy to find the model number, which is vital because different models use different batteries.

I realized that if I bought a replacement battery, I’d have to replace it again—IF they still stock the batteries by then (like I said, it’s an old model). So, I started looking into getting a different machine, specifically a Ryobi because they use the same 18v batteries my power tools use, meaning I’d have plenty of batteries to use, and the company is highly unlikely to make any changes to the shape and functioning of their batteries, given the hundreds of devices that use them.

To evaluate which model was best, I again turned to the evaluations published by Consumer NZ, and found that a model that was was well-rated, especially for pet hair, and it was also somewhat less expensive than the couple models rated somewhat higher. All of which wasn’t enough to motivate me to finally buy the vac until this week.

As soon as I got home with the new machine (photo at left), I did a quick vacuum and it works really well, even along the edges without changing tools—in fact, it did edges better than any other motorised floor attachment I’ve ever used (for at least the past 15 years or so). It did a really good job cleaning, picking up an impressive—and somewhat concerning—amount of stuff, probably because I haven't had a working powerhead for a couple months or so. Reviews I read said the machine's loud, but it’s not any worse than the Dyson was and is MUCH quieter than the old canister vac is. However, it’s heavy, another thing reviews mentioned. However, I use dumbbells for arm strength training, so at least vacuuming will get not get a chore done, too, so winning! Actually, my only real complaint is that it’s too easy to bump the power switch and turn it off.

What these two stories have in common is that they’re about things Nigel used to take care of for us, but that had failed, leaving me to find my own way forward. And, I did. The email server story included one of my lowest points since Nigel died, but then things got better and now are good as ever (and, I’ve also upgraded all my devices to better/faster/stronger models since Nigel died). The vacuum story was more complex because I had to work out what I thought was the best option, not essentially updating an existing thing.

There’s probably some sort of metaphor in all this, but my overall journey hasn’t been even as linear as these stories, and often not as successful. Life isn’t always neat and tidy, or it isn’t for me, anyway. But sometimes I manage to find my way through challenges like these, even as I still wish I didn’t have to. And maybe that’s the best summation of surviving grief. I really am adapting to my reality.

Update – September 5, 2025: I forgot to mention that the machine came with two batteries and what they said was a "fast charger". In my first use of the vac, I used one of the batteries that came with it, but, as is often the case, it only had a minimal charge so I then switched to a fully-charged higher capacity battery I already had. I put the new battery on to charge, and it really was faster than the charger I already had—maybe half as long as my old charger. Then yesterday I did a little spot vacuuming with the machine and used up the battery I used during the week. It took a little longer to fully charge (because it has a higher capacity than the new one), but just a little longer. The "quick charger" is a welcome addition to my tool arsenal.

Finally, after joking about building arm muscle with the heavy vacuum, I suddenly realised I ought to try vacuuming with my left hand—and promptly realised that'll take time to master. The results were a bit gauche since my left hand just isn't as adroit or dextrous, but at least it's not actually sinister.