Six months hence

Six months from today, I’ll turn 65—and I can officially say that now that it’s also July 21 in the place I was born. I’m not exactly looking forward to it, any more than I looked forward to 60, however, as I’ve often said, there’s only one way to stop having birthdays. Given the alternative, then, I’d rather have one than not.

Well, sort of. My perspective has changed a lot, given everything that’s happened—of course. Nigel always made my birthdays very special, and he told me more than once that he enjoyed mine more than his own. At the time, I thought it was because he hated being the centre of attention, to be made a fuss of, but he enjoyed making a fuss of someone else. I’ll never know for sure if I was right, but I think so.

So, it was in character for Nigel to make my 60th so awesome—he made sure it would be. I wish more than anything he could do that again. Actually, the fact he’s not been part of four of my birthdays since has made them less awesome than any had been when he was alive. I guess that’s to be expected, too.

All of which meant I didn’t know what to do about my 65th. In many ways, it’s an even bigger birthday than 60 was, not the least because I’ll start collecting superannuation, New Zealand’s retirement payment. That’s said to be the start of “the third age” of one’s life, though what that looks like is absolutely neither standard nor certain.

I considered having a party, like for my 60th, but I simply couldn’t face doing that because that one was so special, thanks to Nigel. I knew that if I had a party for my 65th, I’d constantly think about how it could never be as good because Nigel wasn’t there. And that’s where I got stuck.

Some time ago, some members of the family were talking about going on an overseas trip in January, and they asked me if I wanted to go. Even though the talk was that we’d be back in time for my birthday, I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about it simply because I’m still not keen on travelling anywhere.

Even so, I said yes. In the end, plans evolved, and we’re now going to Fiji and we’ll be there for my birthday. This actually changed everything for me: It’s a way for me to observe and celebrate my significant birthday in a way that’s unlike any other birthday I’ve had before—and completely different from my 60th. Of course, I’ll be keenly aware Nigel isn’t there—and should be—but experiencing something so completely different, and something that I’ve wanted to do for decades, makes it the perfect thing.

There’s a bit of a backstory to that, too. One of my first Christmases in New Zealand, maybe even my first, Nigel and I were visiting his parents and we were all talking about places we’d like to visit, and I said I’d like to go to a South Pacific island because I’d never been to one. Nigel’s mum said, very matter-of-factly, “you live on one,” and we all laughed. Obviously I meant a tropical island, but that was just so funny that it’s stuck with me all these years.

To be clear, this isn’t a birthday trip, it’s a trip that will include my birthday. To me, a holiday to a tropical island that also happens to include my birthday in it makes it a low-key, an interesting, and different experience all rolled into one.

For so many reasons, then, this is a great way for me to observe/celebrate my 65th. It also gives me something to look forward to rather than the complicated birthday itself. I know that Nigel would be very pleased, too. I am.